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Posts by Alana Mbanza

Avatar of Alana Mbanza

Alana Mbanza is a freelance writer and the author of The Paradox of Intimacy: Love and Related Vulnerabilities. In her writing, she takes us on the most liberating and terrifying journey imaginable - the quest to open our scarred hearts and discover authentic love. Connect with her on Twitter @AlanaMbanza or visit her website AlanaMbanza.com.

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Boundary

Setting Emotional Boundaries: Stop Taking on Other People’s Feelings

“The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.” ~Sonya Friedman

The longer I stayed on the phone, the more agitated I became. My mother was on the other end, as usual, dumping her emotions on me. I had moved to Los Angeles for graduate school in part to escape all of this—my mother’s unhappiness, my sense of responsibility, the pressure to be perfect.… Read More

Boundaries

Create Emotional Freedom by Setting Healthy Boundaries

“I’ve discovered that you can’t change people. They can change themselves.” ~Jim Rohn

 “As much I want you to be happy, I’m realizing that I can’t be responsible for your happiness.”

I had never spoken truer words in my life. Even as the tears flowed down my cheeks, I felt a profound sense of freedom and lightness.… Read More

No Fear

When You Fear Making the “Wrong” Decision

“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~Pema Chodron

For the past three weeks, I’ve been trying to decide whether or not to move to Korea for a year. Some days, I’ve completely made up my mind to take the trip. I get excited about teaching myself Korean and spend hours and hours online learning about the culture.… Read More

Broken Heart

How to Deal with a Break Up

“No feeling is final.” ~Rainer Maria Rilke

I met him the last semester of college and was instantly attracted to him.  I was definitely attracted to him physically, but it was the way he sat in class with such quiet confidence and mystery that made me long to know him.

I practically drooled all over my desk whenever he spoke, but couldn’t even bring myself to say, “Hello.”  One night out, I saw him standing by the bar.… Read More