Dear Crystal:

I re-read your posts in your previous thread. You are asking, on this thread, about techniques to release your emotions, the “fear and anger and shame and hate” that overwhelm you.

In your last thread in your previous thread you wrote about your boyfriend: “…He is so full of rage and fear himself and wants revenge on those he feels abused him… fight some war involving aliens and technology… I BECAME him.”- he was full of rage and fear, like you. He wanted revenge and he went about resolving his emotions in the following ways:

1. “Driving down the highway at 2am doing 110mph with the lights off and throwing salt out the windows because it’s protective.”
2. “Ripping all the UPC labels off everything in the house because they can track us.”
3.”Taking a shower in cold dirty standing water then wearing his clothes”
4. “Him backing me into a corner and poking me because negative energy was coming through me and I had to release the demons…
5. Creating these strange electrical devices and moving them around to scramble the energy.

As classically psychotically delusional as his ways were, he did things to resolve his distress, his fear, his anger- he did things, and so, you went on the ride with him, not only on the literal highway, but any other ride (1-5 and others you may not have listed). You went on his ride, “became him”, so to resolve your own distressing feelings.

Clearly, to me, you do need to find ways to resolve your distressing feelings, only not his ways. The ways that will work for you need not be symbolic and delusional but true to your own life. Looking for resolution in your own life, relationships still ongoing come to mind-

I read that your father committed suicide. I don’t think you mentioned your mother. What is your relationship with her, currently?

anita

Dear Crystal,

From what I am aware of, below are some of the techniques used for emotional issues.

1. EFT or Emotional Freedom Technique or Tapping (the one that you mentioned)
2. Bach Flower Remedies
3. The Release Technique
4. The Sedona Method

“..all these techniques are planned vs being able to release when I’m triggered..”
All of these can be used at the time when you are triggered. You may also require using a combination of these techniques. For example, you may take the Bach remedies say three times of the day and still be doing any of the other techniques. On the other hand EFT doesn’t seem to be comfortably done in public (in case you are triggered when in public), but in that case The Release Technique or the Sedona Method will be of help and in another situation when you are in public you may still grab a Bach remedy from your purse or your office drawer and use it.

I will suggest you to go through the details of each of these and pick the one(s) that resonate(s) with you the most depending on the type, intensity of the issues you are facing related to your situation and your day to day lifestyle.

Please let me know if you need to know any information/resources on any of these.

Take care,
VJ

Dear Crystal:

You wrote about writing in your journal: “thoughts get caught in my head and I don’t feel like I’m being authentic in some of my writing.”- I believe it is so because your heart has some truths it wants to communicate to you, but it is too distressing to hear those truths, so the head jumps ahead with its rational thinking to make sense of things. Only it cannot make sense of anything when it is incongruent with the heart. That incongruence is the inauthenticity you mentioned, I believe.

Here is my imaginary input by your heart as it responds to what your head says (quotes from your last note to me):

Head says: “my relationship with my mother is complicated”
Heart says: my relationship with my mother is simple.

Head says: “I know where I learned codependency from as she was this way with my father who was also mentally ill and she could not walk away.”
Heart says: my mother didn’t protect me from my father.

Head says: “I love her and she is a beautiful person ”
Heart says: I need her to love me, to protect me, to help me. I wish she loved me, protected me, helped me.

Head says: “but the traits she exhibits push all my buttons because they are my own as well.
Heart says: I hate (very angry at) her!

Head says: “When we talk it’s superficial but she’s the first person I want to call when my world is shattering and she can’t be there for me in that capacity”
Heart says: she never helps me. I need her to help me! When will she help me???

Head says: “I need to do some deep work with this inner-child thing. It’s so freaking hard!”
Heart says: then listen to me, I speak simple language, short sentences; I don’t use a rich vocabulary (I don’t use “capacity” for example). I know what I need. I know what I want. I am simple. Don’t judge me, don’t disapprove of me. Listen to me…

anita

Oh bless you, I really feel your pain.

I need to make you aware of a few points that you said…
Originally in your previous post you said “But I also know this is not a thinking thing, it’s a feeling thing and my biggest challenge in life is living from my heart instead of my head.”

Now you’ve said “I get triggered from anything – songs on the radio, thoughts of my life without him, thoughts of his rejection of me after all we’ve been through together.”

You hear a song on the radio, you replay a part of your life, that, at the time was good (maybe?)& In all honesty this is a hard one as it triggers a memory so I can’t say ‘dont make a story out of it’ but I can say that to the rest. Thoughts of your life without him – you probably tend to make a story out of what if this happened or I can’t believe this happened… Your dragging yourself into a story. Then thoughts of rejection.. you’re thinking about him leaving you again, making a story out of it. When I say story I don’t mean you’re making stuff up, but you’re reliving what’s happened in your head & that’s not healthy for you. Accept the song makes you sad & just feel the sadness. Try not to have thoughts in your mind about the relation the song has (hard I know, but that’s where your meditation practise comes in)

Your story sounds so like mine! I went through rejection with my ex & I’ve been left all the time by men. I give them everything they could ever ask for & only recently I got in touch with an ex from a few years ago & asked why he cheated & treated me like crap & his honest answer was that he could get away with anything because there were no consequence to his actions because I always forgave him & from my eyes saw the good side to him. Sometimes you have to own your part in something.. this hurts, but the realisation after opens you up to know that moving forward you can change this & eventually find someone better. I’m not saying that’s the end goal as it’s not, however, if you’re on the path I’ve recently ventured off, (which I think you are) you may be thinking why does this always happen to me? Why do people leave? Realising these things will almost make you think “see, told you it was me” but look at it in that it gives you the tools to heal & change moving forward. I apologise if that’s not what you want to hear or that doesn’t fit your situation, I just thought I’d share my experience as it may resonate with you.

And don’t worry, I done the whole sleep with him still text him etc, it’s normal, we still have feelings for them. It isn’t pathetic, none of this is, this is your life, far from it. If we don’t do or find these things out now, we may be tempted to re open it in the future.

You mentioned you can’t speak your truth, what truth is this? You’re afraid you’ll lose connection? Would you not say you already have? Have you got anything to lose by speaking your truth? How do you know he isn’t thinking the same as you? Being open is by far the best thing you can do, either way, good or constructive. I feel you probably feel so constrained because you have so much inside that you want to get out – to him?

I feel, again, from my experience that he’s your addiction because of your lack of self love & self worth.. & please don’t see me saying this an attack on you as a person, far from it.. but because you don’t love yourself fully you need/want him to fill that empty gap.
You need to learn how to fill it yourself & this is when healing will truly take place once you learn that only you in this life can truly fill that gap. If you go around life trying to fill it with money, things & other people I’m sorry to say but it’ll always be there.
I know this is alot to take in & you’ve been through a hell of alot, but do you know what, you’re recognising it & talking about it & you should be so proud of yourself! Start focusing on yourself completely, your health, your well-being, physically & mentally. Go do things you enjoy.. they say the best thing for healing is to experience joy!! 🙂 you’ll do it, I know you can. You have so much knowledge already & I know putting it into practice is the hardest part, but when you start to notice the change & contentment in you, you’ll realise your such a powerful person you’ll never want too stop! 🙂

Let me know your thoughts & obviously keep me updated! Xx

Hey Crystal,
I can totally relate to your experience. The feeling of just trying and trying to release the trauma , detach from it, accept it. I by no means am an expert or have completely found the solution myself but a previously twisted relationship and it’s pains has taught me how to deal with the pain and trauma. I realized trying can get in the way , by living in the emotions you are still giving them power. Try traveling deeper , to the core, to the beliefs that you hold about yourself and others. Remember darling you are a beautiful being of love and your relationship effective you to that extent because of how deeply you love and feel. When anger comes, give it love. When pain comes, give it love; say to it: I know you are hurt beyond belief, here is my love. If it helps picture you hugging the painful parts , accepting them and forgiving yourself for allowing an unstable and suffering man to come in your life and parade his way through your self esteem. Your wounds will heal and you will be stronger and much more deeply rooted in divine love. Always remember the oneness that you are; this too shall pass.