Thank you Anita for your response 🙂

I would certainly deal with a lot less c*ap if I became more assertive. I’m just so afraid that then I will get the reputation for being mean (people are ok when they do it to others, but hate when it’s done to them) because now everyone knows me as a really nice and helpful person. I even felt bad when a stranger tried to talk to me on the train and I was very tired so when it got quiet I put my headphones and tried to sleep. I feel like I’m obligated to be nice and attentive to everyone and if I’m not I fear something bad will happen.

I do believe in an after life and I would like to believe that you get punished for really bad things (like murder and such). A lot of good people have bad things happen to them in their lives when a lot of bad people get away with everything. I’m afraid of being punished here, on Earth. If people treat me like s*it when I’m nice to them and I only have one real friend, then I’m scared of what would be if I were assertive.