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Trying to find happiness

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  • July 27, 2017 at 10:40 am #160530
    colby
    Participant

    Hi, I’ve been lurking for awhile so I thought I’d post a little about myself.  When I was 6, I was in a severe car/train accident that killed my little brother and a family friend and hospitalized me for 91 days with a frontal lobe injury.  I had to learn to do everything all over again, and ended up with depression, survivors guilt, and probably ptsd as a result.  Years went by with me shutting myself off from the world and only having real relationships with my animals, but I feel like recently things are starting to change.  Over the past few months, out of the blue, I have cleaned my house top to bottom(including scraping crud off the floor with a knife), redecorated, gone from flourescent lighting in most rooms, to either sunlight and/or candlelight, I’m meditating more often, I had been working out, but recent issues have set me back a little on that.  The first of this month I lost my cat that I had raised from a bottle.  I almost completely lost it when this happened.  I think I just got caught up in the moment.  This is making me think that my anxiety meds aren’t working like they used to.  Anyway, I have begun a spiritual journey, and just hope to make some friends along the way.

    • This topic was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by colby.
    July 27, 2017 at 2:44 pm #160572
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Colby,

    I’m sorry to hear what you have gone through with the accident and losing your family members and cat. You mentioned recent issues had set you back a little, that you are wanting to make friends and going through a spiritual journey, and trying to find happiness. Can you tell me a little more about this? It sounds like you really like animals. I like them too. Do you work with animals? I do volunteer work with them. Feel free to let me know your thoughts..

    July 27, 2017 at 2:53 pm #160578
    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Colby,

    I cannot emphasize enough about how many genuine, sincere, loving, kind friends you will find here. I promise you that my friend.

    Pearce

    July 27, 2017 at 3:20 pm #160590
    colby
    Participant

    Hi Eliana, the main setback that I mentioned was the death of my beloved cat.  As for the friends thing, I had an incident happen to me in jr. high that turned me into a loner for a long time.  I got some psychological issues straightened out last year and finally stopped pushing people away.  Now that I’m starting to come out of the loner phase I’m at a loss on how to get started again.  I live in a small town right now so there’s nowhere to really go except one bar, and those aren’t places to meet real friends if you ask me.  And I do love animals.  I feed the neighborhood “critters” along with my currently 7 cats.  I have raccoons, opossums, skunks, and I had an armadillo come up one night.  I had a skunk stick around so long and get so tame that when the food bowl was empty, he would scratch on the patio door.  Then he would back up a few feet, I’d fill the food bowl back up, and he’d come back to continue eating.

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by colby.
    July 28, 2017 at 8:39 am #160748
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Colby:

    I am glad you started this thread. I wonder, that accident at six, the injury to your frontal lobe, has it healed or are you still suffering from it? I also wonder about your parents, their participation in your life before and after that accident…?

    You mentioned an accident in Junior High School that turned you into a loner. I wonder about the nature of that accident..?

    anita

    July 28, 2017 at 1:56 pm #160824
    Katie
    Participant

    Hi Colby,

    So sorry about your cat. 🙁 That’s adorable about the skunk that would scratch on your door for food!! Fellow animal lover here 🙂

    July 28, 2017 at 3:42 pm #160832
    colby
    Participant

    The actual injury is as healed as it can get.  There is scar tissue, and I do have an occasional seizure, but that’s pretty much it.  As for my parents involvement in my life, I feel I can safely say that I have never seen another person my age who is as close to their parents.  The thing in jr high, I think “accident” might be too strong of a word, but in short, I was bullied and didn’t realize it until it was too late to do anything about it.  I kind of feel that is part of the reason that I am alone right now.

    July 29, 2017 at 6:02 am #160890
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Colby:

    Cleaning your home, redecorating, changing the lighting, meditating, working out, all these read like an awakening- a wanting more out of life, perhaps.

    You were bullied in jr high school and you think it may be the reason why you are currently alone (other than having a close relationship with your parents and with animals). I hope that when you do develop a relationship with a new person in your life, it will be a non-bully, someone who is not aggressive, easy to relate to, to understand and predict, like the animals you love.

    anita

    July 29, 2017 at 8:03 am #160914
    colby
    Participant

    An “awakening”?  I had never thought of this, I thought I was just keeping myself busy to try to keep my mind off losing my cat.  I know I am not and have not been living up to my potential, so that may have something to do with the recent change.

    July 29, 2017 at 8:18 am #160916
    colby
    Participant

    Another thing that has happened lately that I can’t really explain, I have had the urge to start practicing yoga again.  Which would be great if I didn’t have a lifetime membership to a weightlifting gym, and a trainer that stays on my butt.

    July 29, 2017 at 8:43 am #160932
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Colby:

    Maybe it was not any kind of awakening, or becoming more aware. If you did those things (and thinking of yoga as well) so to be ” just keeping myself busy to try to keep my mind off losing my cat”- then that is all that is happening.

    anita

    July 29, 2017 at 8:52 am #160936
    colby
    Participant

    I don’t know, this all kind of happened at the same time, I knew I needed to do something different with my life, just didn’t know what; and I needed to keep my mind off of my cat.  Before I knew it it had been a month, and I’d kept my house spotless that whole time.

    July 29, 2017 at 8:54 am #160938
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Colby:

    Regardless of the motivation, reads to me like good developments, including keeping your house spotless.

    anita

    July 29, 2017 at 9:54 am #160954
    colby
    Participant

    I must agree with you here.  I’m kind of feeling mixed about everything right now though, to be honest.  I like this development, but at the same time, it’s so much change all at once.  I’m trying my hardest just to let the universe unfold as it should.

    July 29, 2017 at 9:59 am #160956
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Colby:

    Slow down then, aim at one change at a time, one hour, one day at a time. Relax best you can.

    anita

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