Loneliness

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This topic has 5 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 3 months ago by Eliana.

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August 23, 2017 at 2:28 pm #165338

norit
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Hello

To be honest I’m not really sure what to say here, all I know is that I wanted to reach out to someone and our little tinybuddha community is the only place I could think of.

I feel so lonely. Talking more with family isn’t an option and I have few friends. We catch up online sometimes, but because of my anxiety I’ve not been able to socialise with anyone in person for a long time. I wish I wasn’t so anxious.

I understand it’s important to learn to be alone with yourself (I think)? Can anyone share any experiences with this?

Thanks for reading.

August 23, 2017 at 5:51 pm #165374

Max
Participant

Hi norit,

I’m dealing with something similar. I have one close friend who lives states away. I’ve gone through a lot of changes over the summer and haven’t really been myself. I think it’s driven everyone around me kinda crazy and I’m having a hard time feeling much love for myself at all. I’m seeing a therapist but other than that, I don’t know what to do.

I think it helps to know you’re not alone so, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Social anxiety is no fun.

Max

August 23, 2017 at 5:51 pm #165378

savy
Participant

Hi,

I completely understand the feeling of loneliness, it almost feels like my entire life has been situated around the word. No matter how hard I may try to surround myself with people I feel good about or I think will be good for me, it never seems to work out in the long term. Something always happens and I end up in the dark with no one else around. I’m going through that dark section of things right now, and its difficult to get up everyday and realize where I am in life compared to these perceptions I have in my head. I have so many online friendships that started out in person and have fizzled out. People just stop responding and it bothers me more than I feel like it should but I have a hard time controlling my fears when it comes to socializing. I want to reach out and have healthy, happy relationships so badly but I can’t bring myself to do so. I would rather stay alone by myself where I know I’ll be okay at the end of the day, but I’m not comfortable being alone when others are around. I’m constantly ‘restarting’ my life and do not have people I can rely on who actually care and that hurts, but I know I am the main cause of this, just how am I supposed to deal with this? How does one fix it? How do I go out and do things on my own and stop worrying?

I suppose that’s what’s going on in my brain right now. I hope that me telling this will help you in some sort of way? I’m not sure, about much really. I, too, have been looking for someone to talk to but it’s very difficult when I can’t even deal with human interaction most of the time. I hope you are doing okay, in some sense at least. I’m sure there are a lot of people also dealing with being lonely as well, if it’s any consolation.

August 24, 2017 at 11:34 am #165490

Anonymous
Guest

Dear norit:

It is always good to read from you. Regarding being alone/ needing people: we are social animals, and so, we are born needing people in our lives, not only as babies and young children, being dependent. There is a song called “People who need people”- as if there are people who don’t need people. Even the loners-by-choice, they too need people sometimes, somehow.

Don’t they.

anita

August 24, 2017 at 2:11 pm #165512

Peter
Participant

I also struggle with loneliness though no longer the anxiety about being lonely. I have gotten used to, and even enjoy, be out on my own, and for the most part am ok with it… and then the night comes and I wonder about meaning and purpose, wondering why I should wake in the morning.

I suspect loneliness very much tied to the experience of meaning and purpose and perhaps that is where some of the anxiety comes from.

Sorry that I don’t have any answers

August 24, 2017 at 6:55 pm #165530

Eliana
Participant

Hi,

I too feel very much alone and lonely, and what’s sad, is that I don’t have social anxiety. However, I have felt rejection and abandonment since childhood. A feeling of never belonging..like I’m on the outside looking in. I was never popular in school. I was never asked to my High School Prom, I preferred to be around animals and showing my horses instead. I couldn’t wait to get out of school and go to the stables, while all my friends were into men. I felt like unlike the rest, a misfit. I felt misunderstood by my family as well, and they cut me out of their lives because I have mental illness. They didn’t want to take the time to understand it.

I’ve always reached out to people. But when I got in my forties, it seemed my “friendships” were superficial, and I was accepting crumbs. I am now 55. No family and one close friend who lives 5 states away. I have one friend who comes over and watches movies with me, but as soon as the movie is over she immediately leaves, not even saying “bye”. I feel I am watching the world go by, everyone having a life and fun, and I have no car, on disability, nothing. It’s not alot of fun. I was volunteering with animals, and had transportation where two women picked me up, but the sanctuary closed. That was pretty much my life. Now, I’m trying to figure out where my life is and purpose is.
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