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ANXIOUS

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  • October 24, 2017 at 2:27 am #174515
    Vee
    Participant

    I have been dating a guy 11 years younger than myself.  The relationship stated last year in April.  We would see each other almost every day and if not speak on the phone.  All of a sudden, he started a new job which takes up a lot of his time because he works late hours and is always on standby.  In the meantime i have not met his family, but he has met my family.  He has not invited me to meet them.  I barely get a call from him now and when i call him it is like i am intruding.  I have tried to ask him if he has met someone else and he says no. He says he is very busy.  He cant be so busy he cannot make a phone call.  I am now anxious.  I am hurting so much that i cant focus on my studying.  I have supported him so much in the past year in all his ups and downs and i am hurt that he can be so inconsiderate.  I asked him what we should do and he just says he does not know…that he is occupied with work.  I want to end the relationship, but i don’t know how to deal with the pain.  I also want to lash out and hurt him the way he is hurting me emotionally.  I hate this feeling of insecurity.  I need some advice please.

    October 24, 2017 at 5:23 am #174537
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Vee, I don’t know how old you two are, but I’m assuming he is still very young. Some people honestly can’t handle having a lot on their plate. He might literally be learning how to deal with stress and drudgery for the first time.

    I would break up with him and find someone your age or older who knows how to “do” relationships and who has time for you.

    No need for drama, just say, “It’s not working”.

    He might be stunned enough that he will realize, going forward, “Gee, maybe in my next relationship I should text/call more and introduce the girl to my family.”

    Good Luck,

    Inky

    October 24, 2017 at 8:46 am #174607
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Vee,

    We all have our basic needs in a relationship, and he has not met any of your needs. Things do not sound promising, and he seems unwilling to meet you halfway or make any changes or move the relationship forward. You have known him for about a year, and the fact that he has not introduced you to his parents speaker volumes. He is emotionally unavailable for a committed relationship. You deserve a healthy relationship with a caring, attentive and loving man, if you stay in this relationship, I am afraid it will continue to make you anxious and miserable. He is not ready for anything more than perhaps a friendship, and he will continue to use “work” and “long hours” as an excuse. You deserve better. x

    October 27, 2017 at 2:38 am #175119
    Poppyxo
    Participant

    Hi Vee,

    How long have you been together? I’m not sure you said? & how come you seem so insecure? “I have tried to ask him if he has met someone else and he says no” how come you would automatically assume he has met somebody else?
    It does seem this relationship is one way, you’re the rescuer & he is reaping all the benefits from you, meanwhile you feel like you’re not gaining anything in return – not that it’s a give to recieve world, but you are entitled to benefits also.
    It seems to me that he doesn’t want the commitment at the moment that you want?

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