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Hurt From Partner

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  • #179797
    Brooke
    Participant

    My partner and I have spent a fantastic first year together. He is my best friend. We share cars, apartments, and all around do life together. Recently, I blacked out from drinking and got angry with him. I called him names like idiot and loser, told him I hated him, and even said he made me want to hurt myself. None of which is true or connected to thoughts I had prior that evening. I was just angry. I woke up running to him to apologize but I couldn’t find him. After much search, his brother told me that he had gone home to his parents house and turned his phone off. He told me that maybe my boyfriend would talk to me the next day.

    I know I was wrong with my excessive drinking and hateful language. All I wanted to do was say sorry to him, but he wouldn’t let me. He went 48 hours before contacting me. We both cried and exchanged apologies for our actions, and decided we should work on our relationship and be together. He says he is over it, I can even tell in the way he is acting that he has moved on. But I am completely heartbroken. I feel abused by his absence. I feel as though he was punishing me. And I am so, so sad.

    How can I begin to move on from this? What can we do to improve our relationship? I really want things to work out with us.

    #179853
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Brooke,

    You have to understand, on a deep level, that your BF was NOT punishing you. Some people are very sensitive and will run and hide at the first hint of abuse. What he did was actually pretty healthy.

    Another thing to keep in mind is all relationships have Honeymoon periods. When you blacked out and called him names, he might have thought, “Finally I am seeing her shadow side and it doesn’t look good. Deep down this girl is bat-**** crazy!”

    The only way to truly move on is to vow never to touch alcohol again. Get yourself in a support group. He didn’t deserve to be called idiot and loser just because you can’t handle your liquor.

    Best,

    Inky

    #179921
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Brooke,

    I think right now, just give it time. He may be very hurt in shock. Things don’t look very promising, but there is always hope. He just focused on the bad, seeing you “black out” then lashing out at him, and verbally abusing him saying very hurtful and hateful things. It takes a long time for someone to recover from something like that. Have you ever drank like that to cause you to “pass out” or “black out” like that? He is probably wondering if it could happen again, or there may be a drinking problem..but I do know he is feeling very hurt, troubled by all this and confused and maybe he wants to take a step back and re-evaluate things. I would just give it time and wait for him to contact you, and try hard not to do this again. x

    #179981
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Brooke:

    Your abusing your boyfriend is the cause. Him responding  by getting away from you is the effect. I think you confused the two. When we punch a hole in the wall, the punching is the cause. The  hole is the  effect. We don’t accuse the wall for responding (effect)  to our punching it (cause).

    anita

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