Hi All,

My name is Gaurav and I am 27 years old. I’m from India and work for an IT company. I was in a relationship with a girl for past one year and we used to work in the same office, it was very intense , before starting the relationship  she told me that her father is against inter cast marriage but did not tell me that things would get this serious with her family opposing the relationship outright. Whenever I used to ask her that what if her father refuses and we should plan about how to approach him, she used to say that thinking about this gives her a lot of stress and she will deal with it later when the situation comes. We even went to Goa together for vacation as a couple for which she lied at home that she has to go on an office trip. We had a really great time together. After we came back from the vacation a week later she heard her sister talking to a guy over the phone about her marriage, she was very tensed and told her sister right away about us, hearing this her sister got very angry and told her father who on hearing this stopped talking to her and did all sorts of emotional blackmail, she tried telling him that please talk to the guy I have chosen but he wouldn’t listen at all , he said he would not support inter-caste marriage at all. This is how stubborn some families in India are! Now the thing is that my ex’s mother passed away in an accident few years back and she wondered if things would have been different had she been around. This was the first instance and then itself she said that they are not ready to listen so we should break up and was upset at the same time as well, somehow I convinced her that we will find a way but she gave in to family pressure and just stopped talking to me. No explanations nothing , just disconnected and wouldn’t reply to my messages or calls. All this while we were in the same office , after nearly a month of no contact, I messaged her to meet up to which she agreed. We had a very tense conversation and she told me that she also missed me a lot, every day in fact and tried talking to her father again but he didn’t agree. From then on we started talking again and decided that we will keep on trying together. We were in relationship again, physical as well as emotional. This time she seemed more serious to convince her father, and tried several times but each time her father would torture her emotionally. During the time of our no contact I was very depressed and wanted to just run away so I had applied for a job in a different city and I was appointed. After getting back together we discussed it several times that how my moving to a different city would impact our relationship, to which she said don’t worry at all we will be talking continuously and the relation would stay strong. She decided that she will try with all we got this time before I move, and she did only to know that her father has seen some other guy for her marriage. She cried a lot on hearing this, all this while her sister would call me and hurl abuses at me but I never even raised my voice against her and tried to make her understand. This time finally her father accepted that he cannot force her to marry someone against her will, and wanted her to think properly before deciding anything. It was a sign of relief that maybe now they will understand, I asked her to tell her father that she has thought it through and wants to be with me to which she replied that she has somehow managed to avoid the situation for now and she wants to wait for sometime to talk again. After few days I would ask her again when she is planning to talk but she gave the same answer and starting behaving weird, she would not reply to my texts for hours saying that she was working and its not necessary to talk all the time. Now I moved to a new city and started my new job, I had just arrived when she told me that she had not had her periods for two weeks and was very tensed, I asked her to test for pregnancy which came out to be positive. She immediately said that we cannot have this baby at any cost, I did not oppose her even though I was feeling very bad in doing this, but I supported her decision and booked her an appointment with a doctor and told her that I will come over in a couple of days but she should not delay in talking to the doc so she went and the doctor on her consent suggested for medical abortion. The pregnancy was 5 and a half weeks. She started taking the meds and all of a sudden started feeling guilt and said that she doesn’t respect this relationship anymore, all this was hidden from her family. I was confused that why is she behaving like this when I did not force her to abort and supported her every decision. I even felt guilty that I should have been more responsible and told her its entirely my mistake, to which she replied that it was both of our mistake that we were not careful. I searched online and found the hormonal changes can make a person feel all this during medication so I never said a word to her even when sometimes she would take out her frustration on me. I even traveled to her city and went to the doctor with her for final tests, the abortion was done successfully. I was there for a few days and she kept on saying that she is feeling very guilty that I came all the way and want to save the relationship but she cant do anything. I asked her why do you want to break up so she said that she is not strong enough to take any more stress to make the relation successful. I asked her when her father has already said that he will not force and think through everything before deciding then what is the problem then she said even if he says this he will never support us in future. Some days she would give another reason like we dont have compatibility as we have fights ( the relationship itself was not a bed of roses and we had few verbal fights like in any normal relationship). I did not understand the reason why she wants to be separated, even though she was sad about it. After trying to hold it together like many times before I finally gave up and told her that if thats her decision then so be it, I wished her well and said that we should not talk anymore, to which she started crying that we should not break contact, but I explained that if we keep on talking then whats the point of the decision you’ve made. After few days we said an emotional bye to each other. Some days I felt very guilty that because of me she suffered to which she always replied you are a far better and strong person than me and its not your fault that this relation is broken, its my fault Im weak and all. Still I text her after a few days when I cant resist and I can make out she is also sad or portrays that to me. She does not initiate the contact with me now, its me only who texts her after a gap of few days. Some days I feel very angry that all these are mere consolation words, if she really wanted to be with me she could not have given up after all we’ve been through. I am trying a lot to be strong, reading books but I still feel very depressed. I dont know what to do next. Any suggestions are welcome.