I have been onthis trip for only a few days. But I have not reached out to anyone in my family. Including my sister. She is on a mini trip herself. Before I left I did worry for her safety. She has been so up and down that I worried would she be safe in this trip. What if she had a breakdown or an anxiety attack, or felt like no one was there to suppor her.

I expressed this to her and told her I needed space but to reach out to me in case Of need of course.

I am proud for allowing myself space. You know what’s funny Anita- it’s only been 3 DAYS! And still I feel wow I took space away from them, I usually communicate with especially my sister all day everyday feels odd and slightly guilty.
But then I instantly check in with myself.

I have slept well, I have enjoyed the company in front of me instead of having my head elsewhere (worrying about sister or mom) I am able to enjoy food, conversation, and nature without trying to be constantly OVER-connected with someone thousands miles away.

And for that I am glad. I am not guilty I am glad I am capable even for this small amount of time. I haven’t had as many headaches. I can do a whole yoga class without feeling a need to check my phone. And I can listen. I can listen to my friend tell me about her marriage without feeling the need to interject about my own issues. The reason being that I am not inundated with issues and sorrows 24/7.

If in only 3 days I am able to see some benefit. Imagine the idea of long term boundaries. Not to say I’ll cut myself off from my sister for life. Of course not. But the idea that I can self preserve. I can listen to my limitations and say okay it’s been enough I need some mental solace.
Also having enough self reliance to know the actions I take are valid and important.

I used to think this: well I used to act like that. I used to be like my sister somewhat. So I owe it to her to be there at every whim. I see now, especially with your posts. That this is only accommodating distress (and small relief from distress in cycles to just go back). That is for her and for me.

I see now that confidence and not giving in is not the “hardened” or apathetic road. But often the wiser and more stable road. It allows growth for the other person as well as ones self. It allows space for healing, growth, and self reliance.

The analogy that comes to mind Is a patient that is admitted for a week.
A doctor that
1) checks in incessantly every hour asking so how do you feel now? Better? Worse? Different? The patient is hardly able to wrap their brain around these concepts.
2) a doctor that checks in 1-2 times daily. In between periods when the patient can rest, eat, rejuvenate on their own.

I much prefer being the second physician. But when it is your own family it is hard to “trust” the patient will be okay on an hourly basis and thus the impulse to check in 10 times a day instead of 2. But given that any learned physician knows that over time techniques are based on trial and error. He/she will then see. Sure it is hard to “trust” and not worry – but checking in more often does not lead to better clinical results. Thus it is important to go by evidence and refrain from the impulsive drive to check in constantly (given that it is of no benefit, And perhaps is likely an impediment to healing)