Dear Kittycat100:

This kind of anxiety as I know it myself is maybe unavoidable in that we are the only animals who know (however much we keep it away from our awareness) that we will die, no way to avoid it. And we know that we can get sick anytime. We can minimize the chances of getting sick and infirm best we can, but we can’t guarantee it, not when young and not when older. And, if we live long enough, we will get infirm no matter what.

Maybe this anxiety fits into the term people use, existential anxiety. I try to accept reality best I can. All living things die so I figure it means it is not such a tragedy, meaning, but the mere fact that dying is business-as-usual in nature.

anita

Dear Kittycat100,

It could be that your anxiety and worries are caused by the fact that you are imagining the worst outcome – getting old in an incapacitated way, being alone and helpless, or dying in some kind of a slow protracted way. But since you don’t know the future, how about considering other possibilities? – maybe you’ll remain strong and firm and happy for years to come, up until the very end, and then, at an advanced age, die quite suddenly. It could happen also, couldn’t it? Does that possibility appeal to you more? Of course, you can’t guarantee anything, but anything is possible. And if you take care of yourself, the second option – while not guaranteed – is technically possible. You never know what happens in life.

Unless your deeper fear is the end as such. I sometimes have it, though I’m much younger, I’m not sure why. I like reading obituaries and watching morgue documentaries, even writing my will – it helps to put me at ease and more peace with the fact that we are ALL mortal creatures.

How do you practice letting go, I have a real hard time with that and it drives me crazy.

How do you practice letting go?  My advice… by approaching ‘letting go’ as a practice something you intentionally work on when you notice a opportunity.  When you succeed be grateful and when you struggle and takes you longer then you might like, that’s good to, its practice. The intention of practice is to learn better and when you lean better add the new skill to the practice. Build up mussel and muscle memory as it were.

When you notice (mindful) that you are focused on thoughts/stories/memories about issues you cannot change and or that ‘project’ you into that past and or imagined future, and or fear. You intentionally create space to take a breath and acknowledge, without judging yourself, that you are directing your consciousness on on a story/thought/memory/fear that is keeping you from being in the moment. (you take responsibility without any judgment that might trigger negative self talk)

If you notice negative self talk take another breath and give yourself permission to set the internal dialog aside so that you might identify the issue that lies behind them as an observer. As a Observer you will likely notice that in most cases you have already dealt with the issue that your attention is directed on.

For example, the worry about getting old and not being able to do the things you hope for. In the space you created recognized that you have taken steps to exercise and eat healthy (and if not that you will). Notice there is nothing more you can do in the moment so you can let the story/thought/memory/fear go and  direct your attention on more helpful thoughts… or no thoughts…

With practice “letting go” of unskillful/unhelpful thoughts will become second nature. You may still be bothered by moments of worry and such but you won’t let them take hold of you. You will become the master of your story instead of letting the ‘stories’ master you.