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Feeling Worthless

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  • February 17, 2018 at 10:32 am #192915
    Pristine
    Participant

    Hi everyone. I hope everyone is doing fine. I am a 16 year old girl who studies in the 11th grade. So lately I’ve been hearing a lot of good news from my friends and family members. Some of them won 1st prize in a competition and some have their own company and stuff. I feel really happy for them ,but at the same time I feel like I haven’t achieved anything in life. I do well academically but I’m not that great in Co curricular. The last time I won anything in sports was in 3rd grade. After that I did not take part in anything else .I did try a few other things ,but whenever I tried to do anything something would happen like the competition would be cancelled or I would be late to the selections. My parents also did not enroll me any competitions or courses because they give a lot of importance to academics. Because of this I have not won many medals or certificates. I do swim every week and I’ve been swimming for years now but I haven’t taken part in any competition because not many take place in my pool. Till the 10th grade I was scared to take part in anything because I thought I would fail and people would judge me. I also have major stage fear. I’m realizing my mistake now but I think its too late because a lot of competitions don’t take place in my college and I’m almost done with 11th grade and 12th grade is supposed to be the most important year according to many people and you’re expected to only study that time(I live in India).I have no one to discuss this with. I did once with my friend but she made me feel more anxious by telling me that Co curricular is the most important thing in life and that nobody really cares about scores anymore. So this made me overthink my whole life and I did not do well in my 11th grade final exams. I’m am a over thinker and I tend overthink everything.I have no clue what to do now because I feel that people who have achieved a lot in a young age tend to become really successful in the future. I want to do well ,but I just cant take this out of my head.

    Please forgive me if there are any errors or grammatical mistakes. I typed this in a hurry.

    Thank you

     

    February 17, 2018 at 6:37 pm #193035
    GL
    Participant

    Dear Pristine,

    I do not share the same continent as you, but I do share a similar culture to what you are describing in your post. From where I am living, success, to people, is doing things and making it known. Because if people knew that you were the winner in a competition or really smart or pretty or something, then that makes you a winner in life. Even if your life only consists of your family, friends and people you interact with in school and your neighborhood. And thats great for them because that might be what they wanted.

    But I need you to take a step back from your dilemma and ask yourself why success means so much to you. Why is success the goal? Why do you have to be successful? What does success even look like? Ask yourself where these thoughts come from. Then ask yourself what you want from it.

    Take your thoughts for what they are, but don’t allow them to determined who you are. And it’s hard, it is, but your thoughts only have power over you when you allow them to. So let them come, but gently let them go. Thoughts are only thoughts until you take actions.

    GL

    February 19, 2018 at 1:58 am #193257
    Pristine
    Participant

    Hi,GL

    I’ve recently started practicing meditation and it has helped me a lot.I’ll start asking myself these questions and pondering over them.Thank you so much and hope you have a nice day!

    March 2, 2018 at 10:18 am #195685
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hello!

     

    I’m not such a wise person and I don’t have a lot of life experience, but I have been struggling with the same problems for years and made a lot of personal research on the subject. What I concluded is that the only thing you can do is to set some goals, and work daily on them, in little steps. You will achieve great things faster than you think. If you keep working on something that you enjoy and believe in it’s impossible to not be successful. I wish you all the best.

    March 3, 2018 at 7:41 am #195799
    Karen Murphy
    Participant

    Here in my country some years ago there was a news story about a young woman who had had a serious accident which resulted in brain damage to where she was in a vegetative state. There was no hope for recovery. She couldn’t do anything but lie in bed staring. After years of this, her husband wanted to shut off the machines that kept her alive, but her parents fought him in the courts to keep her alive. To him there was no point in keeping her alive, but to her parents she was infinitely valuable and they did everything in their power to save her, not because she could achieve anything, because she couldn’t even eat or care for herself, and I’m not sure she could even breathe on her own, I don’t remember all the details. But to her parents she was precious regardless of what she could achieve, because she was their daughter.

    I have 4 children, and I understand that. Sometimes my children fail, sometimes they succeed. Sometimes they win something, sometimes they lose. But their worth to me doesn’t depend on their achievements. I’d give my life for them in a heartbeat, no question, but it’s not because they got an A or they won the race, it’s because they’re my children.

    We have a God who created us as His children, and He never says, “and make sure you get an A, and make sure you get first place”. He says “love the Lord with all your heart, and your neighbor as yourself”. Christianity teaches that He gave His son to die to pay for our sins because He knew we would fail, and that was the price to redeem us, but we were worth it to Him. Not because we got good grades, but because we are His children.

    Every person is valuable, no matter what they achieve or don’t achieve!

    March 14, 2018 at 7:01 am #197181
    Pristine
    Participant

    Setting short term goals and working towards them has helped me a lot over the past few days. I’ve begun to concentrate more on the present. Thank you, Marius.

    Feeling loved regardless of achievements and aspirations is the best feeling in the world. The thought that God and my parents will always love and support me has given me a feeling of reassurance and strength. Thank you for the great insight, Karen.

    Thank you so much Marius and Karen for taking out time to give such great advice.

     

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