About a week ago my ex-reached out to me on social media. He was my first boyfriend, first real heartbreak, first love and I was very apprehensive about even replying, but I gave in because I think I wanted to see if there was still something there. Every relationship after him (3 yrs of no contact) never felt right and he would always in the background of my thoughts in every new fling. After him, it was also very hard for me to allow people to love me… I would end up sabotaging the relationships by pushing them away before they even got to like me. Kinda to end things before they left me. So essentially he invited me to meet up with him and we talked, went back to his place and he finally apologized for hurting me three years ago, honestly that was the everything I needed at that moment… but I think we crossed the line, he informed me that he had just broken up with the girl he left me for (they dated for 2 years) a week ago and said he was single… he never said he missed me or wanted me back or anything.. I never communicated that to him either but we ended up kissing and partially hooking up, but I stopped in the middle of it because I kept thinking about his ex… since then we’ve been texting and hanging out/ hooking up occasionally until yesterday. I called him for the first time and we spoke on the phone, I realized I have a hard time trusting him and talking to him. Every time he compliments me I feel like he doesn’t actually mean it, I think about the ex he is kinda disrespecting right now like he did to me (he broke up with me and immediately started dating the girl the next week). In my mind, I’ve made this story up that as soon as we both leave at the end of the summer he’s going to get back with the girl again and I’m going to look stupid. At the same time I don’t love him anymore romantically… or I’m scared to love him again he say’s things like “maybe it was the right person wrong time” and it makes me cringe… because I kinda wish it were true but I just feel like letting him in again would be bad for me. I will always love him, and I want him present in my life but in a way that I can feel comfortable about things like new girlfriends, and etc. How do I communicate this with him without having him get out of my life for good again? we just started again and I feel like I’m already sabotaging it by overthinking… what should I do?