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Should I call off the wedding?

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • #219325
    Sherly
    Participant

    Please help me with your advises,

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for 1.5 years now and we moved in together earlier this year because we decided to get married end of this year. The wedding dates were fixed and everything is ready for the ceremony at the end of the year. But I have noticed a lot of changes in him after we moved in. He is not the same caring person that he used to be. He doesn’t really text me or calls me as much. Whenever we have an issue and when I speak up he admits all that as his fault and shortcomings and keeps quiet. And he keeps saying sorry for all the mistakes.

    I was really broken by what happened a few days ago. Some of my friends wanted to treat me and my BF and they arranged a date with us like one month ago. I told my bf about this and he promised me that he will come. He was looking forward to meeting them and their husbands too. Somehow, close to the date, he said he has a family outing during the day but he will surely come as it was a dinner arranged by my friends. I called him up so many times before I left home and on my way..at last, his mom picked up the phone and passed it to him and he was drunk. I was so ashamed and didn’t know what to tell my friends and he took a cab and appeared very late for the dinner. That was ridiculously embarrassing.

    And after 2 days it was my Dad’s birthday. I told him so many times I was going to make a cake and stuff but he forgot on the day and didn’t even ask me what I did or how it went. He didn’t even wish my dad although he met him on that day.

    I am so disappointed with his behaviour. Is he being selfish? I don’t know if I should move out and call off the wedding. but if we do my parents would be really very upset as they are having high hopes for our wedding. I haven’t told my family about any of these issues. I don’t know how to get out of this unhappy life. My BF doesn’t want to talk about anything. He acts all normal every time and asks me not to think about these issues. What should I do? Please help me.

    Thanks you so much

    #219329
    Prash
    Participant

    Dear Sherly,

    It appears as if after moving in, your boyfriend is taking you for granted and not showing consideration for things that are clearly important to you. Admitting faults, keeping quiet and saying sorry without making any efforts at correcting any of these also do not sound healthy to me.

    This is your life. Even if your parents would be really upset about the wedding, I am sure they will be even more upset later if they find that their daughter is in an unhappy marriage. He may be having his issues but you sure don’t want to take a decision that you will regret later on.

    Take care

    #219351
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Sherly:

    When a woman who is not yet married, living with the man she is going to marry, states: “I don’t know how to get out of this unhappy life”, the answer to “Should I call off the wedding?” is a clear

    Yes, do call  of the wedding, and either move out or have him move out.

    * It is a bad idea to  volunteer for an unhappily-ever- after-life so to not disappoint your parents. It will be worse to bring children into an unhappy life so to.. not disappoint your parents.

    I hope to read from you more.

    anita

    #219869
    Lara
    Participant

    I have not been married but I heard it can be pretty difficult to get out of a marriage once you are married. You can’t change men (/ women), so is this really the guy you want to be with for a long time? Depending on where you are, your parents might try to argue but I think you should listen to your gut feeling.

    #219883
    Mark
    Participant

    Sherly,

    After 1.5 yrs you have stated that your fiance’ is:

    1. Not the same caring person – does not text or call as much

    2. Admits fault and keeps quiet

    3. Keeps saying sorry for all the mistakes

    4. Got drunk and missed the party that was planned a month in advance

    5. Forgot that it was your father’s birthday and he did not wish him a happy birthday

    I’m not sure whether that constitutes a reason to call off a wedding.  Maybe delay the wedding to work on your relationship.

    I really don’t see what makes any of this a major concern.

    #1 I see as a natural settling down from the romantic phase.

    #2  & #3 are not issues in my opinion.

    #4 May or may not be a one time thing.

    #5 Is not a big deal in my opinion.

    Am I missing something?  Regardless, I would not throw the baby out with the bath water.  Just find ways of communicating and resolving issues.  I don’t see any of this as major character or behavior flaws.

    Mark

    #220437
    Sherly
    Participant

    Thank you very much, everyone, for all the opinions and precious advice. Means a lot to me to get through this rough patch.
    We are taking some time off and trying to work on our relationship. Hopefully, things will be alright for us soon.

    Thank you very much again!
    Sherly <3

    #220439
    Prash
    Participant

    Dear Sherly,

    That seems a very wise decision. Hope it all goes well for you.

    Prayers

    Take care

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