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I feel so small

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  • December 1, 2018 at 3:08 am #267213
    Reina
    Participant

    all kinds of relationships in my life have spiraled down, i feel so small because im always the one trying to make plans with people, im always being ignored, talked over, never invited to anything anywhere. My younger sisters never involve me in anything and whenever i try to start conversations or do something with them i get ignored like im not in the room, theyre always on their phones. I want to feel wanted by people, i want people to love having me around and always invite me to hang out, i want to light up the room when i walk in, i dont know how to be that person, charismatic and everyone wants to he around me. I feel so small like my precense means nothing to no one, no one needs me in their life. Im always the one initiating conversations and asking people to hang out and even then i get ignored and they never make it up to me. I used to always be wanted by people, everyone would always call and beg to hang out and people needed me they loved having me around, i used to always get approached by people, now i have no idea what went wrong..

    December 1, 2018 at 5:22 am #267223
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Reina,

    I don’t know how old you are.

    If I had to guess, are you recently out of school, just starting out in adult life?

    The thing as we get older is: It’s harder to make friends. And not only that, once we do make friends, no one has time for friends. Everyone is busy with their own lives! Your younger sisters are no longer your peers, as you have little in common with them now.

    You may think you are the only one initiating. Guess what? Everyone else feels that way too! When you invite them out or over to your house, they appreciate it, BELIEVE ME. They even think, “Hey, I should really invite Reina out to…” They really do think that. But then….. Life!

    Don’t take it personally! Live your own life, be happy in your own company. Keep reaching out to people to see them, NOT to get anything back in return. One day you will (probably) be married with kids and will legitimately have no time for those active friendships where you see each other all the time.

    Best,

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by Inky.
    December 1, 2018 at 12:40 pm #267311
    Reina
    Participant

    Youre most probably right, thank you for this i needed it <3

    December 1, 2018 at 12:42 pm #267313
    Reina
    Participant

    One thing i hate though is that im constantly checking my phone im always texting people and waiting on replies i cant stand being alone and i dont know how to love myself or love my own company

    December 1, 2018 at 2:38 pm #267323
    Valora
    Participant

    One thing i hate though is that im constantly checking my phone im always texting people and waiting on replies i cant stand being alone and i dont know how to love myself or love my own company

    I think the best thing you can do is start reading advice in books or on blogs that pertains to learning how to love your own company. You might have to try a few different things, but it’s really empowering once you do it. It gives you a certain kind of freedom because your happiness doesn’t depend on anyone but you, and when you enjoy just being with you, then that allows you to feel that.

    See if you can find some hobbies that can be enjoyed alone like painting or reading or learning a new language, anything that genuinely interests and excites you.

    And I totally agree with Inky. The older you get, the less free time people have to spend with friends, especially when they start having kids. And cell phones definitely don’t help with the younger crowd because that’s been proven to make people way more focused on what’s going on on social media rather than paying attention to the people who are in the room with them. I’m sure it’s nothing against you specifically, but that’s why it helps so much when you enjoy your own company because you sort of just learn not to care about those things so much.

    December 1, 2018 at 5:02 pm #267337
    Victoria
    Participant

    Hi Reina,

    My advice would be to enjoy your own company and see others company as a bonus. For example, if you want to see a film, ask friends to go with you, if they aren’t interested go and see the film regardless. However, sometimes they may be interested.

    I have been in the same boat and currently I am struggling to socialise/make friends, all I know is that if I show an interest in something or try to start topics that others would  be interested in I make friends. The key is to lower or have no expectations, because expectations ruin experiences.

    The irony is that when you start focusing on yourself you will attract the right people into your life, the people who want to meet for a coffee etc.

    If it becomes an issue talk to your friends about how you feel like you don’t hang out a lot and how you would like to spend more time together, or you could tell this to your younger sisters.

    Our friendships change as you go through life so just try and spend time with people when you can and appreciate it for what it is. If you do that you may look back on, lets say 2019, and realise how much you did actually hang out with people.

    I apologise if this was a massive ramble.

     

    – V

    December 1, 2018 at 5:04 pm #267339
    Victoria
    Participant

    Hi Reina,

    “One thing i hate though is that im constantly checking my phone im always texting people and waiting on replies i cant stand being alone and i dont know how to love myself or love my own company” – simple answer to this, spend more time outside and try not to focus on who is or isn’t replying to your texts.

    Get in tune with what you enjoy, because unfortunately we spend our lives being us, so it is imperative that we listen to the music we love, visit the places we love and identify the people that DO text us back and try to spend some time with them.

    – V

    December 1, 2018 at 7:48 pm #267359
    Shruti
    Participant

    Hi Reina,

    Your problem is more common than you would realize.

    Try to use your free time on things and activities you love. Look for volunteering opportunities in your area. Try a few classes at the gym or other places. Learn something new.Love yourself and never ever think that you are a completeerson only if you are married, in a relationship or if you have tons of friends. Many people who have all these are still lonely and unhappy. All the best and God bless???

    December 1, 2018 at 11:59 pm #267375
    Reina
    Participant

    Thank you all for your advice that’s exactly what i needed to hear and i will take your advice. Im grateful.

    December 2, 2018 at 7:36 am #267395
    Shruti
    Participant

    Reina,

    just remember that no one’s life is perfect irrespective of how it looks from the outside. Every one of us is fighting our own battle…some big some small. So we need to remember that we should be kind to others and be good.

    Have faith that all will be well in your life if you stay strong, work hard and believe in yourself. As some one said in one of the comments..you attract the right people in your life if you are yourself content and at peace with yourself. We simply can’t expect someone else ..be it a family member or a friend to complete our life.

    All the best and God bless ?

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