Thanks again Valora.

So Tuesday, we took a road trip.  I had to pick up my transmission for my car it was rebuilt.  The shop was almost 3 hours away.    Of coarse it was the same direction that my ex lived, in fact we drove right past her town.  That was a little awkward.  Had my mind spinning.   It was just me and my girlfriend.  I thought it would be a nice trip for just the two of us with no kids.  So my oldest daughter (24) watched her kids for us.

But yeah….  it was about 30 minutes into the trip when my girlfriend realized we would be driving past my ex’s town.   So that came up.  But it passed fairly easy, until we passed her town and got a little further down the freeway, there was a sign for a drive thru zoo type place.  It’s really fun for the kids.  My girlfriend asked me if i had been there.  She thought it would be fun to go and take the kiddos.  I said yes, then she said “of coarse you did..  Is there anything you didn’t do with ‘Her’ ?”    Then she said, ” I’ll just take my kids there, me and them”.

It’s like I feel guilty because with my ex, I had a life.  I did things with and without my girls on a regular basis.  Am i supposed to apologize for that?  It’s not my fault that she is in the position she is in and that nobody ever wants to help her with watching her kids.  It is pretty funny that my daughter has watched her children more than her family combined has in the last year.  I realized something the other night also.  My girlfriend is always negative.  well not always, but anytime someone does something or gets something, she is just “must be nice” or she gets kind of pissy or negative.  It’s not their fault that they made better life choices than she did.  Why should she be pissed at them?

Like her kids for example.  her parents told her they are done watching her son until he doesn’t act out anymore.  So my girlfriend gets all butthurt when her parents watch her brother or sisters kids.  Well, they listen and behave.  They are fun to watch, not something that you’re just waiting for the shitshow to happen.  Or her brother just bought a new truck.  She was all “Must be nice” all bitter sounding.  Well he has a great job he has been working hard at for a long time.  He made the right decisions and now he can afford that shit.    So good for him.

I want to tell her so bad that maybe if she didn’t bitch and moan and whine about everything all the time to her family and shit, that maybe they would be willing to help her out more.  She doesn’t see it though.  There are times, when she just should keep her opinion to herself and she doesn’t.

WHOA!  I got way off subject here!   guess i needed to rant a little.  LOL.  Back to what i was originally talking about.

So My girlfriend and I did the road trip, things got way better once we pasted that zoo place.  I do have to say though that my mind was going stupid until we passed it because i haven’t made that drive since i last was with my ex.

We picked up my tranny, then went to dinner and had some fun, then on the way back we stopped at a casino and played for and hour or two.  It was fun also.

So we get home, everything is good,  She was in a good mood and so was I .  Felt like when we first met.  Then we get home….

I guess my oldest daughter was letting all the girls hold my grandson. When my girls were holding him they were able to bounce him and play with him, then when my girlfriends daughter held him, supposedly my daughter told her to hold still and not mess around.

that really bothered my girlfriend.  We didn’t find that out until after my daughter left the house.  So then it was a big thing.  Why aren’t we good enough?  I told her maybe it’s because my girls are all blood related or maybe my oldest has been around my little ones with my grandson more and trusts them more.  There could be a million reasons.  But it came back to my girlfriend and her kids not being good enough.  She even said, my ex-wife isn’t blood with my oldest so why is she closer with her?  Well she has known my ex-wife since she was 4 years old and she helped me raise her on my weekends and went through all the drama i had to deal with my daughters mother.  She became like a mother to her, in fact she calls her mom.

It’s like my girlfriend finds something in anything or nothing to make a big deal about.  Every day it becomes more and more clearer for me that this just isn’t going to work.  I need to tell her, however I don’t want to make things harder for her just yet.  I don’t want to blindsight her either though.  I need to be delicate and make sure things are going better for her first.  I feel like i’m in a very delicate spot now…