fbpx
Menu

Complicated situation

Home→Forums→Relationships→Complicated situation

New Reply
Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • May 3, 2019 at 12:02 am #292293
    Ana
    Participant

    Hello everyone,

    I’m in a new situation for me and I would really appreciate some feedback.

    A month ago, I started talking more regularly with one of my ex-boyfriend’s best friends. My ex and I had been broken up for a bit more than a month, although we hadn’t seen each other for more than three months (we had been long-distance for around two years before breaking up) and this guy had also broken up with his girlfriend, although he kept seen her from time to time.

    We really liked each other and, after two weeks of chatting constantly, he came to see me in order to see if what we felt was real. The time we were together was amazing and we felt super connected, but then he told me that it would be way too difficult for us to start something. Firstly, because all his friends would stop talking to him (me being his friend’s ex), secondly, because of the distance, and, lastly, because he was not ready for another relationship (and less because we don’t know each other all that well) and was not entirely sure he wouldn’t get back with his ex. However, we decided to keep talking to each other just as we were before until one of us wanted out.

    Now, I’m trying to get to terms with the fact that we will never be anything more, but it is being hard for me to give up on us yet. Is it really okay for me to keep on talking to him? I feel like as long as we’re talking, I won’t really give up until he breaks my heart.

    Sorry for the long post and, please, let me know what you think.

    Thank you 🙂

     

     

     

    May 3, 2019 at 5:02 am #292303
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Ana,

    The long distance would undue it for me.

    Your ex, his ex, their friends, your friends: Meh. They could die angry. If you truly loved this guy, who cares?

    Talk to him, don’t talk to him. Just do what’s good for your heart.

    Best,

    Inky

    May 3, 2019 at 8:27 am #292315
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Ana

    When you and your ex boyfriend lived in the same city, you used to “fight a lot, since he needed more space than I did and that always made me feel lonely and unloved” (from your Dec 2018 thread). Once he moved and the relationship was long distance you felt better, “since him wanting to spend time alone was no longer an issue”, and you “stopped missing him so much”. About March this year, you and your long distance boyfriend broke up, and April you started talking to his best friend who still sees his (ex?) girlfriend from time to time and who is not interested in a relationship with you.

    “I’m trying to get to terms with the fact that we will never be anything more, but it is being hard for me to give up on us yet”-

    – I think you are very conflicted about having a relationship with a man because having one causes you anxiety, and that is very unpleasant. This is why you felt a relief when your ex boyfriend moved away and the relationship became long distance. On the other hand, you do need that together-experience with a man. Hence, the conflict.

    With this guy, it is attractive that this is not likely to become a relationship (not experiencing the anxiety involved in having a relationship), and yet, well, you do need that together-experience.

    “Is it really okay for me to keep on talking to him?”- I suppose talking to him, for you, is experiencing a bit of that together-experience with a man without the anxiety of actually being together, as in a relationship.

    What do you think of what I wrote here?

    anita

     

    May 4, 2019 at 10:02 am #292377
    Brandy
    Participant

    Hi Ana,

    He came to see you to see if what you both felt while chatting “was real”. You viewed your time together as “amazing and we felt super connected”, but I think it’s possible that he didn’t (and still doesn’t) feel this same way.  The 3 reasons he gave you for why starting a relationship with you “would be way too difficult” may all be true but I think the most important reason and the one he did not share with you is that when he spent time with you he realized that the connection between the two of you is not exactly what he was hoping it would be. Sorry, but this is what I believe is happening based on what you’ve shared here.

    Those three reasons he gave you were all valid reasons before he came to see you, weren’t they? If they were truly big enough reasons for why he doesn’t want to start a relationship with you, he wouldn’t have bothered to come see you at all. When a guy is in love, almost nothing can stop him from pursuing the person he loves. Give up on a relationship with this guy. Let him go. Stop chatting with him. Move on.

    B

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.