I don’t know if this is what you were looking for, @jennifer-boykin, but just yesterday someone unsubscribed from my list and left a rather spiky, critical message as to why.

My first reaction (as it so often is) was to start questioning myself. “Oh my goodness, is what they’re saying true?”

Thankfully, I’m wise enough at this point in my life to know two important things about criticism:

1) It always says way more about the person criticizing than it does about me.

2) It only hurts when it pushes a button or touches a wound.

I remembered these two facts, and that helped me to “step outside of the distress” and look at the situation with more neutrality.

“Hmm… This person said my emails were too X and too Y. That means that is how SHE was struck by them. NOT that other people have the same perception. Given the many, many subscribers who tell me regularly that they love my emails, I can reasonably assume that what she said is not The Truth, but simply how SHE personally responded.”

“Hmmm… The fact that I feel so hurt by this criticism is a pretty clear sign of how afraid I am of coming across as this person accuses! It doesn’t mean I AM that; it means that I’m afraid of BEING that! She pushed my buttons!”

Simply going through that process made a huge difference in diffusing the hurt.

That, and talking to some people who know me and my work, who see things VERY different from the hater, and could give me a good reality check. 🙂