Dear Anita,

Great point, I do agree that him being able to “admit to himself how bad things are” has been helpful to him.  In fact we talked about how he has spent a lot of his life trying to “convince himself things aren’t that bad, and trying to always see a good in things.” We talked about how in many ways in life that is a positive thing, but it can be detrimental when scenarios/situations and people are truly bad or harmful.  The importance of seeing reality as is – and either accepting the truth, or if needed changing your perspective/plan/goal etc.  It is nice to see that in so many ways he has helped me tremendously.  I mean, as you know he has been my rock on this path – and without him perhaps I wouldn’t be so “far” on my journey.  But it is nice to see scenarios in which I have helped him find some clarity.

I can see in your scenario how excitement can be activating.  And even if it is not related to fear per se in that moment, it is also activating like fear and stress are – so can be equally distressing.  Makes perfect sense to me.

I can recall a scenario when I felt similar, or similar concept (not to compare at all to your story, but just inspired a memory of my own).  I recall with certain people that I am not that close to – say a second degree friend or sort of colleague type — if I find myself being social butterfly with them and getting excited, I have a lot of trouble “turning it off” so lets say it is now time to go home and relax and sleep – I can not – I am still so activated that it is now turned into that same feeling of high energy anxiety.  Hard to differentiate, and in fact it is the same.  This is behind the reason why I have become so selective of who I interact with now (when I can – of course my job is social and so are many parts of my life, the majority of it).  But the parts I do have control over –  I am working on.  I used to think of it like when the light bulb is on and blaring bright, the dimmer switch is then broken.  I know for me a lot of this traces back to the SCC role.  But in scenarios that aren’t exactly that – I notice, that excitement of any kind does not feel “relaxing”.  I recall this from a charity event I attended for just one hour (I don’t usually go to such things as they are stuffy, full of pretentious people etc – this was a specific scenario).  I became so caught up with small talk that when i went home I was entirely frenzied and could not turn it off.  I felt incredibly uncomfortable and found myself wishing I never went.  Looking back, that “dimmer” switch was broken.  The activation persisted, positive or negative -didn’t matter – activation/excitement was distressing and not comfortable and relaxing.