I give you credit for being aware of something you want to change, and realizing the motivations for your behavior. I think that is always the first and most elusive step, because we cannot change what we are not aware of. Actually changing is a different monster altogether. Making permanent changes is often a result of repetitive effort and practice, and making changes in behavior is especially difficult because it’s not like performing a task where we immediately see a result and get positive reinforcement. What I try to do is, after I’ve beaten myself up over something, I mentally tell myself “stop”, and try to objectively look at the problem. If I can do that, then maybe next time instead of beating myself up, I tell myself “stop” sooner, and can try to immediately change my behavior. I also want to say that talking a lot isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it can be looked at as a neutral thing, and you can listen more and talk the same amount too. I have found that asking others questions and rephrasing what they say so I know I understand lets them know I care about what they are saying, and for the rest I just try to be myself (which can be hard too). Best wishes on your journey of change 🙂