For all of us, 2020 has been at the very least, a challenge. In January, I moved to a small town of approx 35K in the Midwest to begin a new job, and in March, we were all sent home to telework. I had just recently ended a relationship and the move was, in part, a fresh start. Not knowing a soul here, it took some time for me to become accustomed to the isolation. In a sense, I used the pandemic as an excuse to not date. I needed time to work on myself before entering into another relationship. I eventually decided to give online dating a shot in September, but really only went out on a date with one woman. I just didn’t find anyone I really connected with on the dating apps. However, 2020 did offer one surprise before this year was up.

In my first week or two in the new organization, I saw a girl across the floor that caught my eye: Slim, with beautiful eyes and a bright smile. We’d pass each other on the rare occasion and exchange smiles. I thought that I would have to eventually meet her, but the pandemic put a stop to those aspirations. Fast-forward to June and we hired a new person into our office. All I knew was her name and that she transferred from another department. Since she was one of a few new hires, I thought that maybe getting the office together for a hike outside in September would be a safe way to meet and reconnect with the new members. I messaged the office but she was really the only one who agreed. The hike wouldn’t materialize for a few weeks until we had a virtual training class together. The class was generally awful, so the group ended up messaging on Microsoft Teams throughout the weeklong training. She and I had a really good rapport from the beginning of our messaging and eventually decided to meet up for a hike late in the week. Imagine my surprise when the girl I saw (with her handsome dog) was the same girl from January! The solid rapport continued and we ended up setting up a “date” for the following week.

The date was dinner and drinks that lasted 5 hours. It was so casual and effortless and we both seemed to be on the same page with so many things. Both have our graduate degrees, both divorced, she has no children and does not want any while mine is grown, and while there is an age gap, she thought I was younger and I thought her older. We ended up kissing at the end of the night and it was my hope that this was the beginning of something. However, before our second date, she texted me this:

Hey. So, before we go out tonight I wanted to talk to you. I have a lot of fun with you and I really enjoy the time I spend with you. Don’t get me wrong, we definitely get along great and I do enjoy talking to you, but I’m just dipping my toes back into dating and I’m just not really sure that dating a coworker is the best choice for me right now. I’m new to my career and if things don’t work out that never seems to go well when you have to work together after. I just wanted to tell you upfront—before feelings got more involved and too much time went by. I like you and I’d be happy to keep hanging out. Like I said, I have fun with you. It’ll just have to be as friends. So, if you still want to grab some dinner tonight, I’m down.

If not, that’s okay too. I won’t have hard feelings about it, but if you change your mind and want to hang out as friends, I’m always down. Just shoot me a text.

While not a punch to get the gut, I did compose myself after this text and called her. I said that I understand her misgivings and respect them and that I’d still like to see her as a friend. We went to dinner and had another great time. However, I do not know if I can comfortably handle just being work friends. Granted I wholly understand her position. One, dating a coworker is inherently risky if things go south. Two, she is working a second job to repay student loans, so she has very little free time. Three, this was her first date since her divorce was finalized in January, and I think she is still working on herself. Finally, it is winter and she said that dating is much tougher when it is bitterly cold and the sun sets shortly after 5PM.

I suppose what is tough for me is that I have rarely felt such a connection with someone. There was zero awkwardness and things just feel very natural when we chat or the two times we’ve gone out. I feel so comfortable around her and find it easy to express myself and be vulnerable around her. She isn’t without her flaws, as we all are, but it was one of those things where we were nearly finishing the other’s sentences. (We made a “twins” joke many times.) She is driven and fiercely independent and does not feel like she is a clingy person.

I understand her position and will not push for more. She did say after our second dinner “date” that she hopes, if nothing else, she can be a bright spot in my life, which I appreciated. I replied that I feel the same and that while I do not believe in fate, it is odd how we ended up meeting how we did and how there is such a connection. I’ve continued to apply for other jobs within the organization and elsewhere in the country, but for some reason, nothing has materialized yet. There must be a reason?

I had my counseling appointment yesterday, and my counselor was ecstatic that I was able to be emotionally available and vulnerable around another person. The counselor iterated that even if we do not end up in a relationship, that this was important for me, as opening myself has been an issue in past relationships. The counselor is 100% correct but I find myself having a hard time not wishing things could be more (or hoping they will be). The counselor understood this and said to take things slow and do not pressure her for anything. That I could end up taking a job in another office and that maybe her heart will be ready for more in the spring. I hope my counselor is correct.