Dear anita,

thank you for taking the time to read through my old threads and always trying to help me.

When I am calm, I can see that I am an o.K. person.  Today I am feeling much much calmer. The extreme anxiety feeling is almost gone. Worries about mistakes still come up though. And then I am still feeling fear. But not like in the past two weeks. My body feels far more relaxed.

I can see myself as a good person, overall. Just sometimes certain things trigger extreme self-deprecating thoughts, where I am seriously starting to question myself. Then I ask myself if I am this horrible, manipulative person and I mistrust myself. I am starting to look for signs in my behavior that I am bad and I look at articles about covert narcissism and looking for symptoms for that in myself. Or I am imagining in my head how I hurt myself. It is hard to get out of this when I am in this mindset. But certain tools like going for a walk or talking to someone can help.

Rationally I can see that what you say is true. The extreme criticism from my parents made me extremely critical of myself. But when I am in this negative state of mind, it is still hard to get out of.