@Jay2023

I know it was a picture but often social media is a lie, don’t let your head get wrapped up in the trail of thoughts she’s now x,y,z without you, whilst you’re drowning. You may be drowning right now but at least you’re confronting your issues whilst she’s masking hers with another guy. She’s bound to run into problems sooner or later. Everyone who is emotionally unstable does! She clearly is.

Instead praise yourself for trying to get to the root of your issues and being a better version for yourself. Us men hardly ever change, the one’s who undertake this task are the ones that always end up successful. So good on you bro!

Thailand sounds like a shout. You planning a single trip or taking some mates?

Don’t worry about the whole exchange thing that Sammy is getting at. I don’t think you were looking at the usual scenario men get caught up in – gifts for sex. You’re too kind for your own good. I think you saw a person you genuinely cared about and wanted to treat. No indication you wanted to buy her love or affections, like she was a commodity. There’s very few genuine people who spoil and do that these days, she was lucky. Another reason why it’s her loss.
(Sammy, I now how the song gold digger running through my head!! Ahaha)

It appears she had a high flying career herself? So I doubt the gold digger notion too. However if she has a great career and suspected you wouldn’t match it then I can see a reason for why she may have dropped you.

Bit cruel of her to have a family dinner and then drop the doubts bomb. In hindsight I’m sure you’re aware of how profoundly incompatible and how far removed this was from a healthy loving relationship.

Try in future not to let physical intimacy blind you. Think objectively. Although you were warming to the idea of a mixed or integrated family unit , I think because you desperately wanted to be with her you’d be able to also uphold that responsibility for the children. But the realities of such a situation are completely different.
The support front was already lacking for you when you lost your job. This is a red flag.

Imagine adding responsibility and inevitable friction with kids arising, you would have been left on the sidelines always and felt unsupported and worn yourself out!

I think you’re doing all the right things. You’re proactive approach will serve you well. I hope CBT is a success for you. I hope you are starting to realise this is no longer about her but you. You have the power within yourself to attain that future happiness you desire. Better choices, better outcomes.

@Sammy1

Your new man sounds great, I’m very happy for you. Hopefully you can settle on the Michael Buble front! Slow and steady and I’m sure you will have a good chance of making a great partnership!

Thank you for the advice on ‘B’ is nice to be reminded about the bigger picture. Me and her starting a new life together. I can’t reveal the date of the civil ceremony, yes I’m slightly superstitious but its looking likely we will get all of the events done this summer as long as Boris doesn’t have other ideas. Wedding planning is a nightmare though. I think I’m looking forward to it all being done so I can enjoy her to myself. Cotswold is where we are hoping to settle!