@Rhaenys I respect your opinion. To some degree you’re a right it will never be just the two of us, I’m not disillusioned. What I was trying to convey was when we are together it’s like nothing else exist. I do love that we can create that own little world to escape to just the two of us even if it’s for an hour of our day before we have to return to reality; our responsibilities, work, family etc. I knew I had to accept the family dynamic from the very beginning, I really contemplated this before thinking about reconciliation.

For me it’s like @Sammy1 said I have that bit of insecurity there that I sometimes look at this remarkable woman and think could she do better? I don’t let that thought fester for long but it’s there and I try to remind myself she chose me and if she can do better, I should be that better. We both come from a family oriented background, we both have been embraced and embraced each others.

If you want the truth the extended family the elder members have made a few remarks that she’s unaware of, her cousin at the time reassured me this was common but it brought up insecurities and because I don’t ever want her to sacrifice anyone or anything for me, I know how much she loves unity and her elders. I’ve kept quiet and not told her and I don’t intend to either before the wedding to not ruin it for her – whether that’s right or wrong I don’t know.

I’m sensitive and it affects me so I’m not too enthused for these cultural events where there’s likely to be more cutting comments from the extended family add that to the fact I’m also a bloke – I don’t know if @Jay2023 can back me up but we honestly don’t understand the fuss. I just want to marry her and make her happy so I will work to put my feelings aside and make more of an effort because I WANT to as I care for my beautiful fiancé and in the end I need to remind myself it will be just the two of us and our immediate families – which works wonderfully and we’ve really embraced each others.<>

I know I make mistakes. I know where I went wrong but I would sacrifice my own happiness and life for this woman, which is why I’m so hard on myself when I do falter.