@Rhaenys thank you for the advice. I agree @Sammy1 is very intuitive! Between you, me and @Jay2023 it’s turned into Ask Sammy lol.

Sammy if at any time you feel you cba please do take time to yourself. None of us will hold it against you. I think the beauty of this thread is we can lean on each other when the other needs a break or busy. So don’t overwhelm yourself.

I know guys I’m afraid and that’s why I know I need to get therapy to help me move on from those niggling doubts.

I know she’s chosen me but I’ve been in “love” before and unchosen. When you have been betrayed like that it leaves cuts so deep that there’s always that thought it could happen again. Also because I love ‘B’ more than I ever thought I was capable of and the love is real love that offers stability, growth and warmth, I’m aware what I stand to lose is greater than anything before. That’s why I get disappointed in myself when I screw up. But I’m learning and growing, I want to never take her love for granted.

@Sammy1 you are 100% right in that I would be going back on my word about being fully transparent,  no matter what. However I’m worried about exacerbating her stress. She needs me to be very strong at the moment considering the new information I learned. I’m willing to take the bullets and put on a mask for the events. I’m acutely aware of how they make me feel but ‘B’s’ wellbeing and happiness is more important to me and I’m hoping with therapy over the next few weeks I can deal with it there. Is that being insincere to her?

Thank you for the advice on acts of service. We have a shared calendar app and I’ve been moving things over to my to do list at lunch today. So hopefully that tells her I’m serious about my commitment to her too and looking forward to the wedding, I have also arranged flowers and doughnuts to be sent to her workplace for every Friday up until the wedding. I sent her family and mine a food hamper with a countdown note and looking forward to sharing our big day with you. These are special things she would do because that’s how golden her heart is so I hope she realises that’s rubbing off on me too.

Now I have a big question I would like at @Jay2023 opinion as a male to see if I’m crazt as well as you ladies. If I put an offer in on a house I’m 90% sure she would love as much as me, without showing her – would she kill me? The house has just come onto the market not been listed yet and I could get it all done because I know the owners son, it would be a surprise to gift the keys on the day of the wedding. It would be a forever home and it’s in the area we have been looking in the catchment area for great schools too.  What do you think?

@Jay2023 I’m sorry bro you’re having another dip. Sammy’s advice is on the money, I really do think it’s loneliness more than anything. I experienced much the same. You just feel a constant hollowness, It’s so painful even when we know our ex wasn’t right for us because you miss that feeling, you just want your person; someone to hold and call and share things with. It can make you feel like why isn’t this happening for me? You just need to remind yourself the fact you’ve experienced these feelings is proof you’re capable of loving and when it is with a good fit all this pain you feel now will evaporate. You have to have hope in that. It is better to have loved than not at all.

I really want to help you mate through my own experience, I’ve felt lost. I know what it is like to be insecure as a man too and can help but only if you want though. You might not be ready because you opened up a bit last weekend and then shut back down.