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Dear TeaK,
This is very helpful. Actually, those questions will be awaken for me, as I always try to close that thoughts and not really facing the reality.
As for my childhood, when I was younger, my mother always controlled me. She never really let me to do things or explode things out of there. She always held me tightly and afraid I would choose a wrong step. She even asked me to attend same college as my sister, but I didn’t like that idea, so I ended up not doing so well on the test, so I could end up in a community college instead. As a rebelling I can be, I want to break free from it. I feel more freedom when she is not around, I do love her, but it’s hard to control the “being scared image of myself” when I am with her.
I guess, I have to come to the point that I need to learn how to be strong for myself. Maybe when one looks into this, they will start thinking I don’t love myself enough, and I keep putting others in front of me, regardless of my feeling, which is true. How can I break free from this? this is actually one of my weaknesses, and I’m still in a learning process. People around me, when I share these stories with them, they are not really listening, and they don’t give the advice; in fact, they think I’m annoying, and I should be able to move on myself.
But it isn’t easy. Any advice greatly appreciated. Thank you.