@Sammy1, your ex sounds very conflicted, a man full of regret.

If he is not an entirely selfish man then I can say having been in his shoes not too long ago, it is a torturous place to be, knowing deep down your choices led you to taking the wrong turns.

The key difference between your situation and mine was timing.

‘B’ was single at the time I reapproached her.  I had a woman with a strong sense of self who happened to walk away at the right time.

I mistreated her for sure but there was space left for me to start afresh. Thank God I did and was wise enough to see sense to recognise the value in the woman who stood by me at my lowest point.

It’s up to him now to choose to learn the lessons and accept that in your case it is far too late for you two because of how toxic it became, he had years to step up but he didn’t. To wipe 1 years history together clean is difficult let alone 4 or 5!

The very least he can do is let you flourish and he become a better man for his next relationship.

You’ve done the right thing getting off that merry-go-round, don’t ever doubt that.

Grief is gritty and gnarly as fuck. The fact you wish your ex the very best shows your humility, that you loved him unconditionally and you’ve evolved something fierce within you to let go of someone you never intended to but had to in order to honour what’s best for you.

You mastered SELF LOVE. Be very proud of what a strong and caring woman you are!

Your ex has a lot of inner work to do, and will fall into same patterns because honestly it’s very hard to fully change. He needs to confront and work through his feelings. I had to do that for myself otherwise change never comes.

It is his loss for sure! You may well be the one good woman that got away. The ‘what ifs’ in life are something he will have to learn to cope with, this is his responsibility not yours.

Want real talk, keep your contact limited for now if you want to stay drama free.

If you two had a really strong connection the chemistry doesn’t always change even with distance or if you are in new relationships.

Him being a man if he has any unresolved feelings will use any type of interaction as hope, draw you in again and just like that you can end up having sex if the opportune moment arises.

This is not an excuse but most men don’t have self control like women do.

He was obviously a significant part of your life so much of your pinnacle moments are kind of co owned by this person, so I get it you do not want to discard him,  that takes great maturity. However you need your new partner on board, someone who is not jealous and understands. In order to make a friendship work eventually.

Right now I can tell even if you were not dating you have moved on from this phase but he hasn’t so it’s crucial to only pursue friendships when you voth want the best for each other, admit you can never reunite and the romantic spark has completely faded for both parties. I think that’s the case for ‘B’ and her ex hence they are the exception to the rule.

Remember to continue to love unconditionally, a love that doesn’t make your partner indebted to you. But you do owe yourself safety, respect, and kindness. You can walk away from people that you’ve loved very much in order to take care of your own needs and safety.

Unconditional love also has boundaries. ‘B’ taught me that, she loved me for who I was but still chose to walk away when I didn’t give her what she deserved too.

Codependent love is when you love and don’t take care of your own needs and leave when it’s necessary to.

Don’t become overly protective of your heart,  the new man in your life sounds great from what you told us. Are you being fully vulnerable though? If not, what’s holding you back?

Is he understanding of your emotional and physical needs? I ask you this because you sound hesitant, are you feeling fulfilled? How do you really feel?

@Jay2023 bro what a double whammy losing the finals and then catching the corona! How are you feeling now mate? Thanks for the congrats, it sure is bliss, definitely worth the wait! Ahaha. You know what I find incredible with her she’s so open and understanding. Given our cultural differences and she made me wait. She’s adopted a healthy, sex-positive attitude for ourselves which is making things beyond what I imagined. I love this woman! I keep having to pinch myself.

Having a lot of time is not great if you are prone to dwelling but the past only creeps up because it’s not been dealt with properly. Sammy is right maybe work through your feelings rather than bury them again only to resurface further down the line ?