Oh @Dannydan maybe I’m hormonal but I’m very tearful after reading your last post when did you become so wise. Thank you for your non judgement and asking how I feel.

So many people automatically judge that it is wrong or ridiculous for still caring about an ex or that it means you haven’t moved on but it takes someone with emotional intelligence to understand.

I can be madly in love with someone new and still care about my exes journey. The two can coexist. As long as there’s no unresolved romantic feelings on my end, which there isn’t you can be a part of each others lives.

I have been a little conflicted because I wanted us to be friends, I understand if there are still feelings on his side I don’t want to hurt my ex in anyway by giving him false hope or stoke the flames by being on his radar.

Ignoring someone is something I hate , it really doesn’t sit right with me, I find stonewalling rude, toxic and immature behaviour.

I’ve always believed it is better to have a difficult conversations to reiterate your feelings or position until the other person accepts that it is done and dusted. It’s a whole lot more kind too. Instead of silence and burying your head in the sand hoping whatever the problem is will go away.

Throughout my whole relationship with my ex, I was the one who would try to talk, have open channel of communication to which he would put up walls, show resistance or ignore.

There’s moving on and there’s moved on 100%. I have reached the latter now, where I laugh about how desperate I was to rekindle, now if an opportunity ever came about, I would never want to revisit us, which is why I’m able to consider being friends. He might not be there yet or ever get there if he has regrets.

I just feel like a hypocrite now to be enforcing no contact and ignoring his messages.

However you and @Jay2023 as men keep stating it helps you to heal to have no contact and prevents long term pain so I’m willing to try something different because I want him to thrive in life and in his new relationship so much.

At the same time my ex definitely knows I have let go, I told him, but he continues to contact me so I’m wondering, am I making assumptions or being swayed by hearsay that he wants me back romantically?

Should I have asked him directly before imposing a blanket ban again, instead of being swayed by assumptions or information from possibly biased friends who selfishly want us to rekindle.

It could be like myself he cares about me and also wants to be better friends and isn’t wanting to discard someone who was a vital part of his journey?

I shouldn’t believe like most men he has an ulterior motive of worming his way back in? Danny and Jay, am i being naive? I don’t know. I don’t really know him anymore either.

Above all I just want him happy and my own relationship to fruition and work, that’s my top priority.

Luckily for me I have a very mature and experienced partner who understands the complexity of human emotions.

We rarely talk about our exes,  I wouldn’t want my current partner to feel like I’m living in the past, I believe in living in the present. When we do have a moment he doesn’t make it uncomfortable or vice versa. I love that quality about him, I can tell him absolutely anything that’s worrying me and sometimes without even wanting to it pours out to him because our emotional connect is so strong.

That’s the foundation I’ve always desired, strong communication and being in sync. He never shuts down when we have differences, he never avoids conflict. He knows who he is and I know who I am and we have both become fearless in love and able to be vulnerable and say we really want each other. I feel secure in this relationship because of that. I am able to introspect my feelings without him feeling I’m questioning my love for him.

He is such a strong mature man who knows what he wants it is a very attractive and amazing feeling. Something my ex never gave me because he was insecure beneath that facade.

There was a point in time I was in love with my ex and he has a corner in my heart but that’s all it is. I continue to care and that is why there’s a struggle with what is best for him. No contact or contact?!

I will never be in a romantic relationship with my ex again, I forgave him but we didn’t work for close to five years. That meeting face to face was the turning point for me wanting better for myself and I was able to walk away from from being intimate with him in a very highly charged moment where I could have succumb. It made me feel proud that even though we had the chemistry and pull I didn’t just spread my legs to make a man want to be with me. It was a moment my outlook for that relationship changed and I showed the love I’m capable of giving to others by giving it to myself.

Maybe my ex thinks because he’s finally caught on and changing that he’s going to be able to be the man I wanted and we can start afresh from scratch but I no longer trust or love him in that way after learning to love myself and then meeting someone who has taught me how love should be.

My situation is so different to yours Danny. ‘B’ was always there for you and an amazing partner and most importantly she walked away at the right time before you became too entrenched and prevented certain memories from becoming tainted. Your physical relationship is built on your emotional connect and you were able to begin anew after seeing sense when you experienced regrets.

Thing is I never had any regrets with my ex because I was always all in and it still wasn’t enough for him. It led to deep resentment and I never ever want to be made to feel like that ever again.

You can’t stop caring or turn emotions off. So here I am, typing away trying to solve whether I’m doing the right thing. Hurting him now so he hurts less further down the line. I don’t know if any of that makes sense guys lol. I’m also very hormonal right now.

@Dannydam i can really tell you take your commitment and vows seriously. Well done on shining a light on the reality of marriage. Living with a person is definitely the litmus test of relationships.

Very few people are as unambiguous, honest and can speak their mind like your ‘B’. So you always knew what you were getting. For most the true colours are revealed once you live together and if you have rushed into narriage without living together then it’s down to you to work hard and accept you settled. I never ever want to settle for the wrong reasons like settling out of loneliness, as a race against my ex or worrying times running out for children like so many do. They in the end wind up more lonelier in the marriage than they started.

You’re very lucky man to have such a strong woman by your side. Continue to be proud of each other and work on your love!