Dear Tineoidea,

I myself was pushed into a corner with his behavior and didn’t know what else I could try at that point, and I have tried a lot. He kept hurting her, himself and me because he simply refused to apologize and to treat her with basic respect since he thought she’s insidious and has ulterior motives, will hurt me and separate us two (all prophetic).

I understand that this is what happened in the situation with your ex. But I actually meant how you treated him in general, i.e. what the relationship dynamic was between the two of you even before he met your ex. If it was more like you were a parent, and he was a child whom you felt responsible for, then it might have been patronizing. You might have felt superior, in need to guide him, and as I said, save him from himself. For example, save him from the consequences of his “reckless behavior”.

It seems to me that you were attached to helping him, you wanted to help him and save him at all costs. And so you kept involving him in common projects, even if he only caused trouble? I am just assuming here, but would you say this was the relationship dynamic between the two of you?

Like I said before, those two started the conflict but the responsibility of solving it was placed on me.

What did they actually expect from you? How should you have solved it?

It involved my mother being stuck in a place she didn’t like, doing ridiculously exhausting work which worsened her health. Because moving somewhere else would have compromised or set back those “plans”. She encouraged my mother to stick to it and that soon things will be much better.

So by turning against you, your ex also betrayed your mother. Your mother counted on her financial and possibly other help to get her out of her currently unfavorable situation. And this is what hurts you most – the harm done to your mother.

I have a feeling that you cannot help your mother get rid of her exhausting work, because you too are struggling financially? Your ex promised both you and your mother to help you financially, but she only gave you “breadcrumbs” and then turned against you and went back on her word. So she left you stranded… is this what happened?