Hello to you reading this, and to the sites staff. This web page has been a positive place for me, all the way since high school, and I always return to it from time to time. I’ll try to keep my long story short.

More than five years ago I’ve come to a point in life where I’ve lost contact and touch with almost all of my friends. Not only that, but I’ve found a new group of people, and somehow ended up departing from them also. There were people who were really, really close to me. On top of all of that I’ve lost contact with my girlfriend from that time.

At that time I was immature and simply didn’t know how to deal with life problems, how to talk to people, or was afraid in that newly put situation. Which led me to being alone, which led to being in your own mind, which led to not talking to people, which led to a belief that people who are there (family) couldn’t solve my problems or understand me.

Which led me to ‘bottom’ where I forgot every normal thing that there is. Friendship, education, kindness, etc. Left all alone there in the ‘bottomless pit’. I just didn’t know how to handle things, that’s just it. It’s easy to see that now. And also I am very stubborn when it comes to people helping me. I can always do everything by myself. I can’t show a sad or helpful face in front of people, as I hide my emotions and just think with brain and that just backfires on my soul. Hurting me.

Anyway, it took a lot of time to climb out of that ‘pit’ where I was. It took a lot of time. All that bruises that I’ve got there held with me during that whole time, making me unable to talk to people. When I see friends or colleagues on the street, I avoid them because the natural thing for me when I stand in front of them is to cry. Because I am or was deeply hurt. That evolved in some social awkwardness, because I avoid to do the natural thing.

Okay, another natural thing is anger. Sometimes I just want to scream, shout, just act ‘out of the place’. Again, I avoid doing natural things for me.

Which leads me to my point of interest. I’m getting near a age where it’s not normal anymore to live with your parents. I live with female parent and my sibling. She has been there during my ‘rough’ times but, brother, am I angry. I tend to be gentle all the time, most of the time when communicating and acting, but sometimes I just want to tear everything down around me.

I can’t find a normal way of communication with my parent, with my mom, because she does not understand me. And no, I just don’t want to focus this on her, as I understand the feelings that I have are my own and she/they have nothing to do with this.

Let’s conclude this. Things tend to be complicated for people to understand completely, such as relationship and sharing a place to live with other people the are different from you, let’s say by age. Solely that difference puts two different people in two different timelines, experience, education, etc.

My problem that is bother me is this one. I sometimes feel like I am blocked. Blocked in my endeavors, blocked in my expression, just blocked. I believe that you’d find some like this in psychology books when it comes to male son and mother relationships. And another problem is that I plainly don’t know. Don’t have the knowledge to understand my problem, or to point my problem to a certain thing, or a person. As if I would knew where the problem lies, I’d know how to act upon it to solve it and make myself feel better. Yes, I do have a great job, I have made some new and good friends along the way, I even found a girl at some point, but I know I feel I can do so way more.

Have you felt this way? I simply don’t know and that’s it. If I were to know I could do anything. But that disadvantage that I can not see thing that is holding me back… I’d be better much off without that blockage. Maybe I just need to find a girlfriend and share some intimacy, and things will get better. Or at least I hope so.

To all who read this, I want you to be peaceful. I want you to feel your emotions and go slow. Understand them, understand where they come from. Does that emotion guide your body? Don’t let it. Your spirit, your psyche needs to feel your emotions and lead your body and everything else. Don’t be fooled by the world, by the flashy pictures that you are shown everywhere, on the websites, on social media, on television.

I know it may be hard, but try to find a way to achieve your peace. If you are peaceful inside, there is no limit, no boundary that can stop you.

My problem is too complex. Maybe your also. But know one thing, that with kindness, gentleness, peace and patience you’ll go long ways. Really don’t know what I’m trying to achieve with this. Maybe someone will give me valuable information or advice about my problem. I’ll try. I’ll try to find a way to connect with people and just talk about this things. I haven’t told any single person about any of this. Maybe this is a way to transform that anger and energy into a natural way. Seems like it.

Okay, thank you for listening! Hope you have a nice day today!