Billy
Matt always has amazing insights and listening to him, however hard it seems right Now, always helps.

Let me give u a younger sister point view. I am the youngest Of 3 girls. My parents were very hard on my sisters but by the time I was born they had no energy to deal with me. I was raised by neighbors and uncles. Whenever I was around my parents from the outside to everyone it seemed like they said yes to everything I wanted but the only thing I wanted was their attention. I acted up. I hurt myself by falling down and making my face bloody so that my parents could give me attention.

Me and my middle sister still have a rocky relationship because she thinks I have everything in this world. See my parents brought me to america to give me a better life. They had to leave my sisters in India cause they were over 18 (its 12 and 9 yr age difference). My middle sister went through a lot alone. She did have my older sister who always has been closer to her than me but she still had a very hard time. At times I know my sister hates me but she fails to see that I have been alone all my life. My parents rely on me for their happiness. They treat me differently cause they have tied their hopes and dreams to me. Do u know how much pressure that is? I go from guy to guy to guy just to get married and get me out of my misery cause my parents say that the only reason they don’t cry to my sisters is because they are married.

Everyday they say to me …oh we were done after your sisters but god gave u to us to make us happy. My mothers hold that on my head everyday to even get small things done.

I started posting on TB cause my ex broke my heart. Now after crying everyday for 35+ days, meditating and exercising, I am finally getting a little better. I am telling u this because all that glitters is not gold. I always act happy in front of my family. I travel. My ex had a traveling job too. Heck he actually lived in paradise, the Italian alps. What everyone failed to see was my unhappiness. He and I didn’t get along. I was just looking for a way to get away from my parent so i stayed with someone who couldn’t even stand me. My middle sister always tells me that I have the best life. I have money and I travel. What she doesn’t see is the lonely girl sitting in a corner waiting to be picked up.

Please know that everyone has their demons. No one has a so called perfect life. Granted u have been mistreated but do yourself a favor and stop mistreating yourself. You sound like an amazing person and I only read a post from u. Don’t you think u deserve to be happy?

Billy, thank you for writing your story. I’ve certainly felt alone in my anger and hurt at times, and suffered needlessly because of it. The guidance that everyone has provided in response to your post is so thoughtful and helpful – I wish I had something equally helpful to offer, but really I just wanted to thank you. I needed this guidance, too, and I would not have gotten it if you hadn’t written what you did. I really hope you are able to find peace, because it sounds like you’ve suffered more than anyone should.

Hey Billy

First off, I have to say, you are an absolute inspiration. To have a childhood like that, issues to deal with like the ones you have, to care for the sister you hate, visit the parent who hurt you, and search for a way to have the life you deserve is absolutely incredible. A lot of people, out there, live a life half as difficult as yours and they have given up. Your persistence and confidence to leave your house and support yourself is amazing. People like you, who are willing to go out and get the life you deserve, are a minority in our world. So I just want to say that you are definitely someone I hope to be like, one day.

Now I may sound delusional for saying this, but I think while you and your sister can travel, I believe you have something she doesn’t. The ability to genuinely appreciate those travels. She seems to have most, if not all, things handed to her. When someone lives a life like that, they can never appreciate what they have or can do. You can appreciate it, though. Because you know what it’s like to not have what you want, so when you do travel, if you haven’t already, then it will always be an insurmountably better experience than hers. Even if you go to the same place. Because it doesn’t seem like it’s her actual dream, since it’s announced right after it has now become so easily attainable through her husband’s job.

But you, on the other hand, have been dreaming about this from early on, in your life. When you travel, it won’t be like the experience that an ordinary person would have. It will be extraordinary. The average person would take a picture on their phone and bring up the location during casual conversations. It’s just an ice breaker for them. But for you, every step and breath in that foreign area will become a life long experience. An experience that you didn’t have for your little sister, or your parents, but for you. Because when you lay on your bed, you can say to yourself, that regardless of any mistakes you make or made, at least you accomplished your dream. Something that a lot of people never do in their entire lifetime.

Your dream of traveling the world will always be your dream, regardless of how many times anyone says it is theirs. I might be mistaken, but I feel that you don’t want to travel for the simple pleasure of saying you have, you want to travel because you want to live your life alongside people who appreciate and care for you. That is the life you deserve.
It is a life that has never been out of your grasp because you have fought and struggled for that dream. It’s a dream that always has the potential to be fulfilled and can never be taken from you because it is the dream of such a courageous person, like yourself.

I’m sorry for rambling and I’m not sure if this answered your question, but I hope it helped in someway.