Hi all. Hope you are well. Gonna set some precedents for my story. Dating period lasted about 4 months from the time of meeting up. We maybe talked for 2 weeks or so b4 meeting up. My personality and ethnicity I am Hispanic so I am straightforward and a stubborn person. It usually seems like when i get into a relationship or dating experience lately ( since my long term relationship i ended 4 years ago) that things go great the first two months and I feel my partner is super into me. It probably seems like I get complacent and cocky in the sense that I stop trying to impress the partner and then things slowly going downhill in their eyes, 1 month of me focusing on  myself. This is probably what happened in summation after I evaluated her thoughts. Her: she is Chinese and very shy but very outspoken to. She herself proclaims she is high maintenance and requires a lot of attention as she should have if she is also putting in the work. In essence, I feel like I got complacent and stopped really trying to impress her but I was still nice and boyfriend like. It also should be said we never made it official and maybe Idk i felt like I could get cheated on but also I did want to keep my options open but after the trip we took (i was going to ask her to be my gf then but didnt) we just started doing gf and bf stuff so I thought it was enough. It obviously wasnt. This pattern has happened with her and someone else although it sort of was established to be official but it seemed forced in the other relationship. about the same amount of time

I am definitely hurt. But anyways. We are both very trolly and we like to joke around. When I first met her on Bumble we would never stop talking and contstantly send each other jokes and made fun of each other. I tried every time i had a chance i had a chance to talk to her because she seemed high maintenence and seemed to be the type of girl many guys would want to talk to. if approached by a guy however in the street she would turn him away

We went travelling to my hometown she met my parents, we went dancing, she really liked me as a person and I fufilled her needs. After about 1.5 months of dating, I was gonna ask her if she wanted to be a couple and I had a really nice jewelry set to with it. I chickened out for some reason and from there it felt like we were constantly doing bf and gf things. Now I know that was a key mistake, because after 4.5 months she defintely is wondering why i didnt take the initiative. Sometimes I have been in a relationship when the girl has done this. I sometimes wanna see some effrot in that type of stuff from the opposite sex. She also mentioned she likes to get spoiled, and like I said, I burned out and got spoiled by her and let my guard down. She wanted to be more manly and take the lead ( all this stuff I found out two days ago when we talked on the phone twice for a total of  6 hrs and for the first time in awhile it felt good to be spoiled. I We then went to Universal studios, and then our honeymoon phase started to end in her eyes. This was 2.5  months in.  She said that I made her feel bad because I told her we should communicate better and I should just know when things are wrong. Or what shes thinking. Cuz of culture, she was very good at hiding her feelings. She said I criticized and didnt listen to her but either I ignored this (which I didnt she said i should stop yelling at my cats) or she mostly bottled her feelings. It was a combination of both because she playfully would say stuff like that to stop this and I guess I didnt think she was serious. A lot is my fault. So she said the last month she felt not happy, that we didnt go out and do similar things. I asked to go to IN person soccer games but she said she didnt really wanna go so I went by myself. I took 3 solo trips in that months ( I work a 7 day on 7 day off schedule) so Im really busy when i have to work that week. So she asked me once if I liked the movies. I liked them but i personally do think its a waste of money sometimes but to hang out I would like to go. She also said she thought NO looked cool and I asked her about but I told her I didnt really like scary movies. At that point I didnt get the hint that she wanted to go to the movies because these questions were like a month apart and the second time i didnt get a clue. I was just doing my trips

I got Covid, she helped me out and I thought she was being patient with me. She was going out with her friends so everytime I thought she was enjoying herself with friends and having fun and okay with me with my trips. when in reality she wasnt. thats when we got intimimate for the final time 1.5 weeks ago and I took her to this dance where it was all u can drink and she said she wasnt gonna go cuz I was gonna be out of town, then she said she was gonna go with her Chinese and work peeps. I was away so I was super surprised that they went because her Chinese friends were anti club. So she went with a guy co worker. I was never told the sex of this person until I confronted her. I came back from the trip and I was talking to her and hearing her problems and eventually i tried to be intimate with her and she said she didnt feel like having sex. I wanted to come back and she didnt know I spend the night. ( i sometimes knock out on the couch) I tried again. She was working from her so I undestood her there. it was a hassle to shower and take time away from the desk even tho she barely did anything. A day or two later in the week she went to the movies with the guy. We talked about it and thats when she told she felt like we werent doing any thing together but I always asked her to take a trips me with. The last one we cancelled because our schedules didnt align, And so it hurt because yes, even tho we never said we were mutually exclusive I felt we were. I messed up there. After me chickening out I didnt wanna get cheated on but the irony is she went behind my back but it wasnt technically wrong because we never said we were gf and bf even tho it felt like it. We then had 2 phone calls one 2 hrs the other 4 hrs and she said she was tired of trying so hard and I eventually did admit I got complacent and just enjoyed getting attention for a change. I could tell she was conflicted the whole time. She was saying I wasnt gonna change, people dont change. She had an abusive 6 year partnership where she was hit by her partner, And he was toxic with and cheated on her too. So I was extremely careful the first 2.5 months, I made sure all her needs were met but I went too hard I was obssessed with talking to her the first month and knew the burnout was coming. I told her I liked when ppl told me what their plans were because it made me trust them a lot. She told me, just didnt tell me with who until the dates approached. Mind you I work this week graveyard and nights too. We still are vibing and she says she fell for the guy who constantly joked around the first month or so she thinks. Because I just normalized and made it seem like we were gf and bf I acted like that so things were more mellow and serious. After our 6 day she tells me whats shes doing but she never told me who she was going to go the birthday clubbing party. It was his obviously. So here we are, My world turned upside down but hers apparently turned around a long time. We still have great chemistry and have a lot of fun when we talk but those serious talks are just there to vent, the 6 hrs talk where we established things sort of. She created an option and says she has not done any touching or doesnt see them that way NOW so that was as of 2 days ago and she just went to his Birthday clubbing thing. This is all dutring me being away on a trip and not going to the original event we were supposed to go and then me working graveyard and her still hanging out with him. So things might and might not have gotten intimate, Idk I believe not, because that was probably a group thing. At this point I dont know if its a friend or someone she sees potential in. It can very well be a friend but theres two likelihoods.

This has been eating at me, Anxiety, crying stress. I am close to closing a house possibly and am still indecisive about that a bit so I just wish I had a clearer head to tackle that. I sent her a big message explaining how I dont like to chase, I rather just walk away but my world has just been turned upside down that I feel that just a week ago we were still really close. I appreciate any remarks, I love honesty I know it seems like im optimistic when I shouldnt be because this looks bad. She said she was hurting but I am hurting terribly and the message I unsent to her displays how much I am hurting. I teared up and cried briefly in our phone chats but part of me wants to just let go but its happening so soon. part of me wants to fight because I dont want to lose her and then all these jealousy feeling that i have stored for awhile have been coming back. I got over those demons but hard to in this situation. Im suffering a lot. I just want to write her a final love letter goodbye, or do the no contact and see if she comes around. She mentioned taking a break and then she always retracts on it. the second call was to tell me she still wants to hang out with her friend. She might think I will forbid her from hanging out with him. Maybe i am silly and I know its in my personality but  I hate to lose, and especially lose someone I cared for alot. She displayed a lot of care for me, more than I gave her so I understand I made her feel underappreciated and maybe not her worth. She felt maybe that I was done putting effort. My thing is that we were doing bf and gf stuff. She even felt the same. A couple without the title. But maybe me not asking just made her feel like crap, like where is this going. That mistake was in the past and I made it and have to recognize it.

What do you guys think I should do? Go all in and tell her how much this is botherring me and my past (all the messages I unsent) or just dissapear. Or just say bye and dont contact her for awhile. Its hard cuz I dont want her to be with someone else that quickly cuz to me everything tumbling down so fast, I am scared this is someone she is interested in but it may be a friend but it doesnt seem like it . Seems like she has all girl friends. We have spent a lot of time together like hanging out everyday so this is tough. To not hanging out so much cuz of the trips, covid and my work and hers didnt align like this week. Like maybe she just wanted to go out and enjoy life and i was busy. Its all fine but the fact she hid it and hides it is the concerning thing. Also she seems immature in my eyes. Like I feel lke sometimes she does detach her feelings. Theres like bent up anger in her too. The immaturity comes because she does a lot of things that are not adult like and sometimes shes socially awkward but I love that about her, the awkaward part. I am just trying to describe her so you guys get a picture of how she is. She tends to argue with me at times but thats because I guess I need just see that she is just joking. She also thinks that the person should just naturally know what the other person needs. that its natural. It was like that with us in the beginning but it can be challenging at times. she says since I have a outgoing personality and she is more laid back that maybe thats why she feels like its changed.

Any help/remarks are appreaciated. I feel great when we talk and we text for hours, even now. But after I just dread not knowing whats going on. I like knowing and being in control of that knowlegde. If i dont know I panic become anxious and cant think straight. thank u for reading!