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Relationship that wasnt a relationship gone wrong

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Viewing 6 posts - 16 through 21 (of 21 total)
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  • #406673
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Alecsee

    I’m confused? I thought you essentially broke up with her because she was seeing someone else at the same time as you. Is this not accurate?

    I’m glad that you have been healing.

    #406674
    Alecsee
    Participant

    Hi Helcat,

    To an extent yes. We had a good thing going but because I didnt establish anything even tho it felt like gf and bf, she felt like crap, she wasnt feeling it anymore for about a month and I argued at times and that kind of behavior triggered her past abusive relationship. The fact that I did two solo trips asking her to come but our interest werent aligning and her just taking no for an answer when she didnt ask more than once to go to the movies (very vague) led her to just go out with someone else and feel the infatuation she feeels whenever she probably meets a new person. we kept talking it out and maybe that pushed her away, i gave her space but even tho we had great chemistry, she keeps seeing the new guy and ive asked another time to go to a cafe and she said she has work. She pretends to act interested and then says she has to do something else. At this point it just seems like ive put myself out there again, even vibing and trying to fight for her attention when I never was introduced to any of her friends and i worked hard to build a relationship, whether romantic or platonic that she doesnt value. She is just drifting further away and it just seems like even our great chemistry and joking ways that she was attracted to arent even gonna last to be  a frienship. like i barely ask to hang out and she is making excuses or already has plans with him. I can only try so much. I am also just slowly talking to other ppl. A person with her background that can change her world around that quickly is dangerous, just cuz she was in abusive relationship she isnt entitled to just push her bitch ways to other ppl. It isnt revenge.  and people arent pawns. If she had just told me her feelings were over and saw another person it would have been fine.

    Seems like she had planned this out because this type of thing doesnt happen overnight. She just did it the minute i left town. At this point i dont know what to say but just that she can make time for everyone else but me. Whichis sending a clear message, that she was ready to lose me as a friend and or/partner the moment she went out with someone else. I have to tell her how it is regardless if she thinks its agressive, At this point, it isnt some fling, she just is disrescpecting me as a preson. And she can do whatever she likes but literally its sad how easily she was able to throw it away.  I know I am hugely at fault, I called her pain by not making her #1 in her eyes and her confidence wavered and she might have felt triggered at times. But if cant communicate these things, the cycle will repeat itself; people arent psychics. I am someone who can read ppl pretty well but women are different breed and can mask their emotions very well at times. Thanks for listening, cheers

    #406676
    Alecsee
    Participant

    Just why do women go in so hard emotionally, physically and mentally to a person and then Just change their mind and take it all their way. I appreciate women thar give it their all. But makes me not want to enter another relationship or just talk to a Girl because Just putting all time and pour my heart just to get hurt. I know they’re putting in tremendous effort and I put in good efforts too but this makes Me not want a relationship or love. The pain sucks sp much

    #406705
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Alecsee

    Like I said before, especially early in relationships it is very common for people to date multiple people at the same time particularly when they haven’t discussed exclusivity. I don’t think she is necessarily attempting to disrespect you. People are looking for a suitable long-term partner and it can take time to meet the right person.

    Clearly, you are not compatible with this style of dating. In the future, you should discuss very clearly how you are comfortable with approaching dating.

    Aside from that, you two might not be compatible. She has a history of abuse and might be extremely sensitive to arguments. Perhaps this is the reason she hasn’t interacted with you again or discussed the relationship being over?

    It sounds like she is moving on, perhaps you should do the same? You are very attached when you have only been dating for a short time. You seem very angry that this relationship hasn’t worked out. The reality is that many relationships do not work out and many relationships end fairly quickly. It takes time to meet someone that you are compatible with. I hope that next time, you meet someone with a compatible dating style.

    #407031
    Alecsee
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>I am definitely a one person type of guy so I can understand where things went wrong. The problem I have is that everyone is telling me to stop talking to her and I agree with them, I want to move on. I didn’t even say happy birthday to her. She didn’t mention it but she picked up a gift. As long as we keep communicating I’ll always think I have a chance. The problem is I try to ignore and she doesn’t text unless she’s spoken to. I already told her I cannot be work text buddy, I cannot give her any attention. I already asked her 3 times out and she made excuses and the other guy is doing stuff with her. So then I can’t keep talking to her like she can just do that. I’m trying to do no contact but when I feel sad I always try to talk to her again like 3days of no talking as of late. At this point unless he messes up, I don’t think she will meet up with me which is why I wanted to move on but my busy work schedule has impeded me from this and the new women I am talking to have deleted apps or straight up told me they don’t feel a connection because I’m not really putting the best effort and it’s taking time to be myself. Even finding a rebound would be ideal because it would be a much needed distraction and could turn into something special. The thing is that one wasn’t interested and I was okay with that but the other was pretty cute but the conversation fell apart because I was too busy with work and she deleted the app. So this is why I feel sad I gave the wrong one my contact info. I should be making an effort to move on. But I’m also buying a house so everything is super raw and I can’t put in my all now. I like a certain type of women and the more I think about it, the least type of women I can find out Here sadly especially with two potential women deleted and not interested it makes me doubt my choice to stay here cuz I Also am searching for that life partner! Any input is appreciated. I wish things just ended nicely and was honest with her feelings so I wouldn’t feel hatred and wanting to cut her off. She disssed me that much is true</p>

    #407166
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Alecsee

    I’m sorry that you are still feeling sad as a result of the dating situation. I can empathise with your pain as I’ve been in similar situations myself and like you, I prefer to be committed to one person. Dating is so tricky and painful! It is awful being vulnerable, building a connection with someone only to be rejected. It is awful trying to make connections that fall apart before they even begin too!

    I’m sure that in time you will meet someone suitable that you are compatible with. It can be  difficult to find a life partner. Patience will be a virtue. Just remember that rejection in dating isn’t personal. You can even love someone and sometimes things just don’t work out. It didn’t work out, she rejected you and you rejected her. It is painful but it happens. You will heal in time and learn to guard your heart a little more.

    A saying I have when it comes to dating is that you don’t truly know someone until you have lived with them and seen them experience hardship. A good life partner will be someone that you can live with happily, that respects you and doesn’t waver because of difficulties. Wishing you luck on your dating journey!

Viewing 6 posts - 16 through 21 (of 21 total)

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