Dear Addy:

You are welcome. It will take courage on your part to carry on an irl relationship for the first time in a very long time (4 years, approximately?), and to approach a woman first, for the first time in your life.

“How should I start working on that (not turning your self-criticism outward)?“- because inner criticism (criticizing yourself) and outer criticism (criticizing others) go hand in hand, being like two sides of the same coin, you go about it by noticing when you start criticizing yourself and/ or another person, and abort the criticism. Instead of criticizing yourself,  guide yourself compassionately, and provide others with compassion, instead of criticism.

I asked you if you carry anger with you for having sacrificed for your parents and not asking them for anything, and you answered: “No. Not at all. I’m actually grateful for what they gave me“. Later, on the same post, you wrote in regard to girls: “I was always on the edge it was really easy to make me angry… and I was crazy stubborn“- so, you are sure that all your anger has to do with the girls you kind-of dated, and none with your parents: no anger toward your parents, ever?

I asked you if you pay a heavy price for being (or appearing to be) really calm and friendly, suppressed anger or extra anxiety, and you answered: “I’m not sure about this. How should I figure this out?“- you can start by answering (if you will) the question right above, in the previous paragraph.

“Even at that time they (were) asking (for) commitment and I wasn’t ready for that at all so Yeah commitment issues as well“- this makes me wonder if you felt stuck living at home with your parents, and whether this was the reason that you left home and lived away from your parents at the age of 17, I think it was… ?

anita