Dear Addy:

“I used to be scared of him when I was little but scared not for abuse or anything. Just his anger“- inherent in the expressed emotion of anger, is a threat of violence. Think of a guard dog who angrily barks at a possible intruder: the angry bark is scary enough to chase away the possible intruder because there is a threat in the bark: if you get closer, I will bite you to death! 

My mother used to hit me with her hands and feet, and she often yelled insults at me for what felt like hours at a time. But for years, as an adult, I had those scary, weird dreams: not of her hitting me or yelling at me. In my dreams she was just standing there with an angry face, saying nothing and doing nothing,  staring at me silently and angrily. Anger by itself scares everyone, especially children.

“I used to be scared of…  his anger when I’d do something wrong“- was he angry with you only when you did something wrong, or was he angry at you otherwise, and you figured- as a child-  that if he was angry, it must have meant that you did something wrong?

anita