Dear Hello,

thank you for the update! I am glad you’re moving towards separation as you planned and will have your own place since January 15! Congratulations, well done!

In my opinion if he truly cared a lot looking within, proving his care and respect for me, he would have immediately responded differently by saying something like “I’ll erase tinder now and I’m truly sorry” or “ I can see how me speaking to my x affair would be hypocritical “

but no – he’s done nothing to dive into the real issues which tells me he has no intentions of doing so

It does seem he has no intentions to change, but believes, rather immaturely, that he can woo you with his love bombing and his “good behavior”, so you would forget everything he did so far, so he can continue doing what he’s done so far: spending your money, possibly cheating on you with other women, and assassinating your character, so you would feel like a bad person who owes him something. His motive could be both mental dominance/control over you, and financial exploitation. A very toxic combination.

It’s good you’ve explained to him why you don’t love him any more, but I agree with anita – there is no need to explain it further. You don’t need to justify your decision any more. You’ve made a good choice – finally your self-preservation instinct kicked in, and you saw how harmful he is to you. And you decided to run for the hills!

If he starts getting nasty now that his love bombing tactics isn’t working – you may want to stay at the hotel if necessary. Or stay mostly in your room, minimize contact with him. Be cold and curt with him. The goal is not to expose yourself to his manipulation any more, so the less contact you have, the better.

Also, remove him from your bank account, so he cannot take your cash. Don’t trust a word that he is saying, be very cunning and cautious with him. The less he knows about your plans, the better. Unfortunately he’s not a friend, so be wary of what you share with him.

I’m focused entirely on moving forward and very much looking forward to the other side of this.

Great to hear you’re so determined. I am rooting for you, and wishing you Godspeed in the next one month and beyond!