Dear Tee,

Okay, I’d like to develop this a bit more, but could you give me an example of a situation where your girlfriend didn’t give importance to something that was important to you?

Okay so this mainly happened in LDR. Like when we scheduled an online date together and at last minute, she changes her plans and she be like is that okay if we do it later or some other time? Or like when we decided to watch something together and she be like let’s talk instead of movie.
And even though in the start I clearly told her that I like when people keep their word, so if I have to repeat myself, It’d make me angry
And for her it wasn’t much big deal, She’s like so what it’s just a date or a movie I’m like it’s not about that, It’s about Keeping your words! I don’t like it when you change it like it’s nothing. Because when I tell you something I think three times will I be able to do this on time? Only then I’d say yes. I don’t just say Yes to everything and later just change it. Because if I expect you to keep your words. I’m keeping my words. Simple as that.
And even though she was well aware about this, She was like you’re strict and righteous, yet still she repeatedly did those things. So I was like that’s enough, I won’t repeat myself again.

Hmm.. actually no, you don’t have to be a hopeless romantic, but a hopeful romantic   I mean, hope needs to awaken in you that a healthy and fulfilling romantic relationship is possible. Right now, this hope doesn’t exist… in its place, there is skepticism and fear, as it seems to me.

That’s absolutely right! but yeah Hopeful romantic does sounds lot better. Should we start to write movie script on this? 😂🤣

Okay, so this probably means you don’t trust people, you can’t view them with appreciation, because you’ve been disappointed in them… starting from your parents and grandparents (specially your father and grandfather), to just about every adult you grew up around. Almost nobody appreciated who you really are, but criticized you and expected you to be something you’re not. Would you say that’s true?

Yes that’s true.

If so, I can see a connection between people not appreciating you when you were a child and young adult, and you now not appreciating them. And believing that they would judge and hurt you… And it seems you believe that about your romantic interests as well.

I mean I do currently have lot of people that I admire but like none of them are family members or relatives. And when most of the people who are close to you and when they don’t appreciate maybe that’s why.

Yeah, talking to the person, gradually getting to know them, is the most natural way. But perhaps you believe that you need to show that you’re brave enough, or cool enough, and so making a “film-like” move on someone is what you think will knock them off their feet? I don’t know, just speculating here… let me know how you see it?

Hmm I mean not like “film-like” and I’m literally not even enjoying romance movies anymore. It’s a comedy film for me so😂
But like you said instead of knowing them gradually, Mostly I get anxious and have this rush to know everything about them, if we vibe or not, I start to notice little things and overthink about it, And even when there’s much less time we’ve spend together, I already start doubting on them
And if we do vibe, again I rush even more and expect them have same intensity as me just so I don’t feel like they’re not putting any effort into this.

How is it going with the doctor girl btw? Actually, she made a rather film-like move on you too, proposing to you after only seeing you several times in her office!

Haha yeah she’s lot more action packed in person (As a doctor should be) But because of her work we can’t meet that much and in texting she’s just like.. Haha, Yeah, good.. I feel like I’m pushing her to type things 😂So I’m texting her less now. And I’m like the opposite, in texting I’m much more talkative than in person, I mean even if it’s a new person. But yeah from my previous date we did talked a lot in person and spent a whole day together so who knows.

Cool! So no hard feelings on their part, it seems.

Umm no hard feelings? Well there was lot of hurt and feelings and etc. But we didn’t talked for quite a while, gave each time to recover and then just talk as a friend or like “Normal people”
Before when my 1^st LDR girlfriend tried to reach out to me after breakup. I told her that I can’t step down from romantic relationship to just “friends” It’s really hard for me and I don’t want to work for it. And she told me that it’s not about that but I don’t want to lose a person who impacted my life the most and most valuable to me. So just be in contact time to would make me feel much better. And after some thinking I said Yes to her. Because she also did make me more patient person.

Oh okay. So back then you felt you’re not capable of certain things, so you were blocking yourself. And now you don’t have that mental barrier any more, and you take on challenges more easily?

Yes. And I’m still working on it. But like few months ago, I was talking to one of my friend on LinkedIn, He’s quite old actually. He told me something that still makes me thinks…
He said that don’t just run towards challenges but build your mindset that way that, Whatever comes to you, it’s not even a challenge for you. Just like training mind to be less fearful about what’s coming next challenging. Otherwise just that overthinking takes up energy in the present moment and impacts your performance. So Since then I’m learning ways for how to manage or preserve that energy in efficient way.