Hey Tee,

my weekend was fine, thanks. Still doing the same health-wise, so my leisure time isn’t as active as I’d want it to be, and it’s not a good feeling. I hope things will change for the better, sooner than later…

Oh I hope you’ll be better. You still haven’t found a good doctor?

Yeah, you got impatient and started pushing her. She didn’t like it, and it was this superior-inferior dynamic, rather than an equal, loving and mutually supportive relationship. But I guess you’ve realized by now that this isn’t how a relationship should be, and that you shouldn’t be the girl’s therapist.

Yup I think I’ve learned my lesson there haha

Uh-oh… it’s not good news for the girl then Yeah, you said earlier that you find it easier to bond with animals than with humans… If we miss someone, it means we created an attachment (a bond) with them. And I guess since you are afraid of attachment, you don’t easily create a bond… and so you don’t really miss the person either. At least this is how I am understanding it…

Yes, I think you’ve explained it well. Also most of the time I have to try to blend in around strangers, Other times I’m like what these humans are? How I could even be the same as them? Like I’m some alien 😂

She did miss you, because she told you so (she wanted to text you to tell you that, but she deleted it). And she was upset that you didn’t text her. So she did miss you indeed… I am glad she isn’t angry with you anymore!

I’m starting to think there are lot of people who have heart full of love and they would love to share their love but it isn’t easy. It needs guts to trust on that level and vulnerability. And now I’m thinking as like people’s strength. And she certainly have this strength. For me admitting to someone that I miss them is really hard. Heck I don’t even remember when I did that last time.

Great, fantastic that you can enjoy the present moment more, without overthinking too much and being scared. And it’s amazing that you’re realizing you are not hard to love!! That’s wonderful, SereneWolf, really a great development!

Thanks! you know realizing this makes the process of loving myself little easier. But it made me think like if I rely on that feeling doesn’t it make me dependable? Which is against one of the values that I have. Being self-independent.

And I think you know the answer to “why have I been so hard on yourself for so long…?” Because of you having being judged and criticized as a child, and developing that harsh inner critic. You were made to believe that you were hard to love, when it’s not true at all. And now, as you’re starting to have more compassion for yourself, you’re starting to feel love for yourself too, and that you’re not hard to love… the inner critic is getting weaker, as well as that old programming…. I am really happy for you!

I agree and after getting stepped up from these old programming I don’t want to step back and just keep rounding for the same things and waste my physical and emotional energy. So I’ll try to spend more time in journaling and convincing my inner child even more. So he doesn’t see this as like bowl of water but more like a river…

Great! You’re being mindful and repeating those affirmations, and it helps you stay in the present moment, feeling love, rather than fear…. Wow, amazing! I am proud of you, SereneWolf!

You’ve put quite a time and effort on me as well. So thanks to you too. I’m grateful to have a supportive friend/mentor like you 🙏🏽

Yes, you feel intimidated by those you feel “less than”. The goal is to feel “good enough” and worthy always, even if someone is more talented in some areas than you…

Yes that’s something I’m struggling with… I feel like I’m threatened or challenged

Right… okay, so perhaps you didn’t seek praise and validation so much. You rather wanted “results”, like the drill sergeant wanting results from the novices. It could be that you adopted the persona of your father a little, who was also quite critical and impatient with you. Only you tried to hide your impatience with your ex, while you father didn’t temper himself at all, he gave you the full power of his anger…

Yeah even in work I’m really result-driven. So you’re right I may have adopted his persona. As I’ve told now I’m much better at managing my anger and be calm as possible. Because to be honest after I started practicing spirituality nothing seems like a big deal to me.

Okay, wish you luck with finding a good remote job! But while you’re still tied to one place, could you go travel on the weekends and spend time in nature? So reserve the weekends for adventure and “battery charging”?

Thanks for your wishes! And I already do that on weekends. But I want to visit different places every weekends not the same places. But yeah it’s true that even though most of the time I’m visiting same places now it doesn’t bore me because spending time in nature does recharge me so well.

Well, maybe your job is a little boring?   But does it also mean you’re working mostly from home and no need to go to the office?

My job isn’t boring. Or I guess now it seems boring because I saw more exciting opportunities? haha.. and currently I’m working on hybrid mode. 2 days office and 3 days from home. They wanted the other way like 3 days from office but I convinced them for 2 days lol

So you dreamed about your father, grandfather, brother and you all getting angry and yelling at each other? Not at the same time, but first your father got angry with you, and then you and your grandfather had a fight, and than in the next dream you and your brother had a fight, right?

Yes!

It could represent anger as the “modus operandi” among the men in your family?

Well all 3 are impatient and gets angry real fast so…
And that it affected you as well?
I think for impatient part yeah I guess so
I mean, that’s only my suggestion. What do you think it represents?

Umm I’m not sure but I still may have fear? Like still if I want to do something crazy I know they won’t stop me but my mind first think like what they would think about me and judge me or something like that