Namaste Tee 🙏

I am doing a bit better at the moment, thank you. I do say this very cautiously because I’ve had improvements before, followed by a setback… but I am starting to feel a little more optimistic…

I’m glad to know that. Hope you’re having a good weekend. I have a question. What’s your absolute favorite thing to do on weekends that isn’t productivity related?

You mean, when you are among people, you worry what people will think of you and you want to be liked? And you say things you don’t really mean, or something like that?

Hmm not sure about that. But my main concern is I don’t like when people feel discomfort around me or specially because of me. It could be because of my childhood wound as well. You see my father’s anger was always on the edge so whenever he was around even he was calm I was anxious that at any time he’d flip out so I was constantly anxious and worried about his mood swings.

Well, you said that being among people drains your energy and you don’t know how to protect yourself from that. So I asked what are the behaviors you can’t protect yourself from. But I guess the real question is: what is so draining when being among people? Perhaps what you said above – that you feel the need to “people please”? As in, maybe you feel the need to be liked, and so you can’t be yourself and relaxed?

Okay I got it and I think It could a long list but generally I don’t like manipulative behaviours, and most of the time I can sense when people are trying to manipulate me or the others.
I also don’t like being around people who are always projecting negative energy and criticizing others all the time. Or when they trying to be dominant with me for what they want.
But I believe particularly sensitive to the emotions of others, and I kind of struggle with managing my own emotions in response to others.

So she is emotionally expressive – she expresses her emotions freely. She is not shy to show anger and upset, but also joy and excitement…. if I understood you well? How do you feel about that feature of hers?

I do think it’s kind of a healthy thing since I like things straight forward and it’s something that is easier to read from her? In my previous relationships none of them was this much emotionally expressive I had to ask them things so they can let out things you know.. Yet still I wasn’t sure about it. But Now I have this newfound appreciation for this kind of emotional authenticity? (Don’t know if that’s a right word)

Yeah, I’d say that in the relationship department, so far you were alternating between a bad connection and no connection. You gravitated towards “no connection” in the past months, because you were disappointed with previous relationships. But then you decided to still give it a try. And now you’re in the middle of an experiment, of potentially creating and maintaining a good connection…

Well yeah I guess so.. But now I’m realizing how much more work that I have to do.. and it feels like a lot

Hm.. I think that because of troubles with self-love, you easily get into the inner critic (or the outer critic), which then sabotages the relationship. So I think that for you, lack of self-love is what keeps you out of the relationship. Or when you are in a relationship, it prevents vulnerability and intimacy (because you’re afraid to be judged). So, although you may be in a relationship, you don’t really engage in emotional giving and receiving. I mean, it seems that so far you haven’t. Now, in this latest relationship, this might change…

Oh yeah that is right. So I need to work on healthy emotional giving and receiving.

Actually, when both parties are emotionally more or less healthy and free to be themselves, a deep intimate relationship isn’t that hard to maintain. It sort of flows spontaneously… But a lot of work goes into getting to that point of being emotionally healthy, that’s true.

Yes but finding that kind of a person isn’t easy either. With me, I got really emotionally invested and thought I can work and maintain on these things but yeah it’s definitely a two-person job.

There are no guarantees that she is “the one”. But as you grow emotionally more healthy, you’ll be able to recognize people who are wholesome and healthy themselves, and you won’t end up wasting your time in draining relationships…

Hmm really? How I’d be able to recognize that?

Yes, be mindful that a lot of those questions (“What if I get bored, what if I am wasting my time, what if I get to like her and will need to work hard to maintain the relationship?”) are coming from your fearful self. They are fear speaking through you. And you are learning now to face this fear, not to get into its trap again. So yes, be mindful, just notice it as a strong voice in you, however it’s not the only voice in you. It’s not the voice of your true self.

Yes I agree it’s nothing less than going on a war with my own self. Fighting with my own fear. Thing that I’m trying to do is that trying to make notes from my past where I took decision and I was right about it so my rational mind don’t always ask me question about it and be little more confident you know.. and I guess It could affect my self-esteem as well. But if you have better suggestion you’re more than welcome

Yes, surrender as in accept the things as they are, even if they are bad at the moment. And hope that they will get better… so yes, I am learning to accept it, but also not to lose hope…

That’s good! Keep it up! 😃

Wrist, ankle, forearm, underneath the collarbone, hip area… I am no expert, but am sure there are a lot of ideas on the internet.

I do have Pinterest board but it’s been a while and it’s not easy to choose.

I also had an appointment with my therapist. She told me I’m doing quite good progress. And I talked about CPTSD as well. So listened things carefully and ask me lot of scenario type questions about my childhood. But she said she isn’t sure about and said there is really mild signs about it. But still we can work on it.

One of the questions that could be helpful for us.

So she already know that It’s been a while that I’m living on my own.

So she asked me What happens if you buy something expensive without asking your parents? How they’d react and how you’d feel?

And I said I’d still feel hesitant about it because I’d be worried what they’d think and feel guilty because I haven’t even asked them.

So she asked me questions like that and said I still have fearful emotional pattern that I need to work on. Even though now I’m financially independent now I’m still attached to this kind of unhealthy emotional bond… She actually suggested me to talk more with my parents about this kind of things so they would be aware that I’m much more grown up than what they might think

Fearful emotional patten and self-esteem these two things mainly she gave me homework for… Because like we talked, she said because of long term of criticism from every side (even my inner critic) My self-esteem took lot of damage and I have to heal that…