Hey SereneWolf,

I mean you’re right but I think it’s also could be like I’m not someone who mostly misses someone? Not even people who are really close to me, But I do miss my cat maybe that’s why? Because it’s kind of a dysregulation?

Yeah sure, that’s what I meant: you were/are feeling down because you are missing your cat. And that’s what makes you more susceptible to overeating (which is a form of misguided self-soothing and self-regulation). We feel comforted when we eat, and you needed comfort, so it’s kind of logical…

And I accept that she did gave me like a good emotional relief so now I’m like should I find a new gf and cuddle her? Just for that emotional relief you know…But I know it’s not a proper fix.

Haha… no. If caring about your cat and petting her gave you emotional relief, you should find a new cat, not a new girlfriend 🙂

Also good news is that since my Neighbour (If you remember I play with her kid) rescued a cat and told me that I can have her as long as I want, It does making me feel little better but still making me miss her more.

That’s nice of your neighbor, but perhaps you need a little more time before adopting another cat?

And yup as you guessed I’m overeating and even (like the most time) to not overthink while eating I started watching anime or movie while having my meals.

Usually when we watch TV while eating, we end up eating more, because we don’t really pay attention to food and our sense of being satiated. Is this your experience too? Btw, are you binge eating on healthy food or comfort food, if I may ask?

Well she does asks me if I’m stressed about something or not, because they think one of the reason people are skinny is that they’re stressed. And also, she’s not much aware about modern mental health things (Americans have like hundreds of them and like each trait have a name)

Right… well, it’s still primarily your physical looks/well-being that she is interested in. Because she notices that you’re skinny, and so she asks if you’re stressed. Maybe she is interested in your emotional well-being too. But to be honest, based on what you told me about your childhood, I don’t think your mother had/has a real interest in your emotional well-being. Because when you were exposed to your father’s rage attacks, she would tell you to tolerate it and not make a fuss about it. So that’s not really emotionally supportive.

So because of that I didn’t had like healthy fats and mostly pure vegetarian for a very long time, I’d be eating mostly green vegetables, No milk or even rice because I thought it makes people fat and because years of misconception my body just adapted it like that. So that’s what I’m trying to change.

Oh so you were basically vegan! That’s tough, I tried it once, and it was too much for me. I would be fine being a vegetarian, I don’t really need meat. But I do need dairy products, so veganism is not for me.

Haha okay so even for this I’m somewhat responsible, Because we did talk deep level things and she did asked me about the way I am and you know that she likes my “Calm” so I did tell her very clearly that it’s all self-awareness and mindfulness. So she got more interested about self-improvement and stuff so

Cool… But one thing to keep in mind is that a part of your “calmness” is suppressing your anger, right? I mean, you appear calm in front of people, but inside you might be boiling. That’s a very useful skill (control of emotional reactions), and I guess you developed it by mindfulness? But on the log run, the goal is to heal some of that anger, so that you don’t feel so threatened and afraid of judgment in social situations.

Hmm I see, So a question, so as human beings do we always try to fulfil other people that we’re good at? If so, Why is this drive?

Yes, we are attracted to people who possess the qualities we don’t, or which we might have suppressed. So if you are calm (or at least seem calm) and detached, and she is too emotionally reactive, your calmness and poise is what might have attracted her to you. So what we believe we miss, we look for in others. Or for example, the person who is shy and lacks self-esteem might be attracted to someone who is self-confident and extroverted.

I guess so yeah.. They visited me this weekend with both of my siblings. And so far this time he didn’t even compared this time.

That’s good! He might have sensed that you’re fragile and sad, due to your cat’s death, and so he was behaving himself. Or perhaps even your mother told him to behave himself…

I guess because I never had that in my childhood and only criticism so now it’s just hard to trust what people say

I understand… you believe everybody is like your father or grandfather. Or maybe like your mother, who wasn’t always honest with you? (You did say you don’t like when people act kind to you, only to get something from you. And I think you mentioned your family in that context too.) So you might have a really bad model there: the people closest to you either being very judgmental, or not being honest (not having the purest intentions) when they praised you?

It means should I believe in positive feedback? If so how you’d determine what to let in or let out

Well, we need to have discernment of course. But if you hear the same praise from more people, that should tell you it’s most probably true. If you cannot accept compliment at all, that’s a sign that the inner critic has the upper hand.

Also just a side note, Are you working from home? I found this from a LinkedIn post, and it says whenever you’re working always play a Instrumental/LoFi music that you like… and I think it’s actually helping me focus more and somewhat in better mood and less anxious as well.

Actually, listening to music while working would distract me, but if it helps you focus and be less anxious – cool, go for it!