<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>Coucou Tee,</p>
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<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>Yes, I was feeling down because there is no progress with my healing. I am trying to stay optimistic, but it’s not always easy.</p>

<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>I can totally understand that. And I really admire your courage to keep going and still staying optimistic because I do know it’s not always easy. Are you feeling any better now though?</p>

<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>But I think a part of your “coolness” is that you don’t actually allow yourself to get attached, because you’re afraid of getting hurt. There is a fear there, and that’s why this emotion (love, desire to connect and bond with someone) is missing. It is suppressed as well, but on a deeper level, I think.</p>

<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>Hmm right but I’m already working on it and I shouldn’t be more rigorous about it now. Right? Or is there any daily practice I can improve or implement or update?</p>
<p style=”background: white; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”> </p>

<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>I know you’re not worried about ending the relationship. I mean a part of you feels revealed, right? However, I think you should be honest with yourself and ask yourself: am I really upset that she is not sure about me, or am I using this as an excuse to take my leave? </p>

<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>I guess the part she isn’t sure about me, it’s just making it easier for me take my leave, I thought about more and I may be craving that feeling when someone is scared of losing me, and even if they’re scared, they’d take actions??? </p>
<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>On the other hand, I know it’s unreasonable to expect that level of strong connection if I don’t show her that type of connection or love… </p>
<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”> </p>

<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>I see… they’re not criticizing you directly, but comparing you to other people, and then you feel indirectly criticized and judged, right? Do you also feel it in their tone of voice – that they’re not pleased with you and expect you to do more?</p>

<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>Yes Exactly! </p>

<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>Yes, taking voice notes is a great idea too. Have you talked to your father in the meanwhile?</p>

<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>No I didn’t. I felt much better after talk it out to my siblings</p>
<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”> </p>

<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>Yes, addiction is a very frequent consequence of C-PTSD. So you say you’re suffering from anorexia? I myself suffered both from anorexia and bulimia. We can talk more about it, if you’d like. I realized that for myself, anorexia was about rejecting nurturance, because my mother didn’t give me the proper kind of nurturance (emotional), but only physical food. And it wasn’t good enough. I needed to be loved and appreciated – feeding me and meeting my physical needs wasn’t enough (and my mother thought that’s the only thing a child needs).</p>

<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”> </p>
<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>I was in the kinda same situation. Pressure from my father and grandfather because they wanted me to achieve things which they think is more appropriate for them.. So because of that they would give me more than enough kind of physical nurturance, but not emotional, But after I started living on my own I’m super aware of what I eat and really insecure about my body image so yeah anorexia nervosa. But also the bulimia except no vomiting because My body type is Pitta, So my metabolism is high so I eat a lot a lot, Yet my bodyweight is still low. My BMI is still around 19. I guess Hypothyroidism may also be part of it but I’m not sure.</p>
<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”> </p>
<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>But another thing is that even though I’m insecure about my body image. Because I do think I have to be in normal range weight (I’m not super skinny but like not super healthy looking either) I have to gain muscles, have better skin.etc All the girls I’ve been with was like what we can say “Out of my league” if we are seeing things from that way. Yet still I didn’t feel good enough and it damaged my self-esteem even more?</p>

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<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>Oh I see… that’s frustrating when you’re trying everything, and it’s still not working :/ How is it now, any new developments?</p>

<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>Yes. Luckily it’s getting much better. I found whole new way and I’m seeing good positive results. </p>
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<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>You were close to her and now she is gone… I am so sorry.</p>
<p style=”background: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; orphans: 2; widows: 2; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial; word-spacing: 0px; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>It’s good that you cried and allowed yourself to feel it all… Hold on, SereneWolf…</p>

<p style=”background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 7.5pt 0cm;”>I’m not someone who feels alone easily but from that day I did, So I went to visit my siblings and my family and now I feel much better. </p>
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Coucou Tee,

Yes, I was feeling down because there is no progress with my healing. I am trying to stay optimistic, but it’s not always easy.

I can totally understand that. And I really admire your courage to keep going and still staying optimistic because I do know it’s not always easy. Are you feeling any better though?

But I think a part of your “coolness” is that you don’t actually allow yourself to get attached, because you’re afraid of getting hurt. There is a fear there, and that’s why this emotion (love, desire to connect and bond with someone) is missing. It is suppressed as well, but on a deeper level, I think.

Hmm right but I’m already working on it and I shouldn’t be more rigorous about it now. Right? Or is there any daily practice I can improve or implement or update?

I know you’re not worried about ending the relationship. I mean a part of you feels revealed, right? However, I think you should be honest with yourself and ask yourself: am I really upset that she is not sure about me, or am I using this as an excuse to take my leave?

I guess the part the she isn’t sure about me, it’s just making it easier for me take my leave, I thought about more and I may be craving that feeling when someone is scared of losing me, and even if they’re scared they’d take actions???

On the other hand I know it’s unreasonable to expect that level of strong connection if I don’t show her that type of connection or love…

I see… they’re not criticizing you directly, but comparing you to other people, and then you feel indirectly criticized and judged, right? Do you also feel it in their tone of voice – that they’re not pleased with you and expect you to do more?

Yes Exactly!

Yes, taking voice notes is a great idea too. Have you talked to your father in the meanwhile?

No I didn’t. I felt much better after talk it out to my siblings

Yes, addiction is a very frequent consequence of C-PTSD. So you say you’re suffering from anorexia? I myself suffered both from anorexia and bulimia. We can talk more about it, if you’d like. I realized that for myself, anorexia was about rejecting nurturance, because my mother didn’t give me the proper kind of nurturance (emotional), but only physical food. And it wasn’t good enough. I needed to be loved and appreciated – feeding me and meeting my physical needs wasn’t enough (and my mother thought that’s the only thing a child needs).

I guess I was in the same situation. Pressure from my father and grandfather because they wanted me to achieve things which they think is more appropriate for them.. So because of that they would give me more than enough kind of nurturance. But after I started living on my own I’m super aware of what I eat and really insecure about my body image so yeah anorexia nervosa. But also the bulimia except no vomiting. My body type is Pitta, So my metabolism is high so I eat a lot a lot, Yet my bodyweight is still low. My BMI is still around 19. I guess Hypothyroidism may also be part of it but I’m not sure.

But another thing is that even though I’m insecure about my body image. Because I do think I have to be in normal range weight (I’m not super skinny but like not super healthy looking either) I have to gain muscles, have better skin.etc All the girls I’ve been with was like what we say “Out of my league” if we seeing things from that way. Yet still I didn’t felt good enough and it damaged my self-esteem even more?

Oh I see… that’s frustrating when you’re trying everything, and it’s still not working :/ How is it now, any new developments?

Yes. Luckily it’s getting much better. I found whole new way and I’m seeing good positive results

You were close to her and now she is gone… I am so sorry.

It’s good that you cried and allowed yourself to feel it all… Hold on, SereneWolf…

I’m not someone who feels alone easily but from that day I did, So I went to visit my siblings and my family and now I feel much better.

Hey Tee,

As for myself, I too am feeling a little better. Hopefully it won’t be temporary, like last time.

You do yoga right?

Yes, it’s important that you’re aware of it and working on it. Are you still doing the journaling (writing down your fears and resentments)?

I didn’t do it while I was at my hometown but now that I’m back to the city I’ll continue.. and I do feel better while journaling. Also letting things happen by itself and just trust the divine so I don’t feel overwhelmed by everything.

I see… so you’d want her to stick around to prove her love. Although you didn’t let her say “I love you” and were not showing that you care about her too much… so yes, it’s kind of a contradiction. If you want her to stick around, you’d need to show it too…

Yes I know that, But because she’s taking time and still sticking to past, That’s why I told her no. She reacted like I did this entirely by myself. But she didn’t argue much after that. She hugged me tight and kissed and still asked me to just friends? I said I’ll think and answer, And after I said No she said She won’t get back together with her ex either. I said it’s your decision, If you don’t need to be in rush, Don’t rush.

Okay, I understand this makes you upset, but I think the first thing you should do is become more immune to those indirect judgments. To know that you are good enough as you are. So those veiled comments will not bother you so much.

Yeah that good enough feeling isn’t that easy. Is it? haha

And then you can decide what you want to do – whether it makes sense to ask your father not to mention other people to you, or to let it go. If you are not so triggered, it will be easier to take it lightly, e.g. to change the topic, or say “Yeah, he/she is doing quite well” (you sort of agree with them).

You don’t need to start justifying yourself, you just acknowledge that this person is doing well, while knowing inside of yourself that you too are doing well and that you are good enough. If you are not judging yourself, their judgments will carry less weight too.

I mean I’m aware of that, and I don’t have like any kind of jealousy. But me and my siblings are worried that they (My Father and grandpa) aren’t like a children then they shouldn’t behave like this, They should be happy with what they have and have feeling of satisfaction. Instead of always complaining this is wrong and that is wrong. That’s just irritating for all of us.

Good! Are your siblings supportive of you? Do they get similar treatment from your father and grandfather?

Yes I’m really lucky that my siblings are really supportive. And yeah they do get similar treatment from my father and grandfather. My little brother somewhat doesn’t much bothered because I can sense his self-esteem, But yeah he’s annoyed as well, However for my sister she’s quite sensitive, Maybe even more sensitive than me. But she also accepted that there is not much chances of them changing

I just checked, BMI of 19 is not undernourished, but on the border. But you say you do a eat a lot and aren’t vomiting, which doesn’t really qualify as anorexia or bulimia. Does it mean you have periods of indulging in food and then starving yourself, not to gain weight? Because that too can be disordered eating – sort of swinging from one extreme to the other.

Hmm well swinging from one extreme to the other I’d say yes. Also I only have two big meals per day. Lunch and dinner. I skip breakfasts.

EDs are always related to nurturance, I think. In my family, food was the only “pleasure” that was not judged, so basically it was okay if I ate a lot, I wasn’t judged for that. But I was for just about everything else. So I guess that’s also one of the reasons food became my “drug” of choice.

Oh I see, That’s why you had anorexia

Yes, it seems you don’t feel good enough, in this case attractive enough physically. Which is just another manifestation of feeling not good enough in general. I guess that in reality, things are a little different, because you did say earlier that you get compliments for your looks, and you do get attention from pretty girls, right? So you not feeling attractive enough is something you are telling yourself – it’s a part of your inner critic. And you know how to treat that inner critic, don’t you?

Yes I do not listen much to that critic but I think I have to get more positive input or affirmation or something like that on that part?

Hey Tee,

no, I can’t do yoga, it can actually add to the problem, in my case. But I do other types of exercises.

Hmm I see. Have you a found new doctor?

Great, keep it up!

But lately I feel like not doing anything, hopeless and I’m missing my cat too!

Oh she said it’s only your fault? Well, that’s not true really, because talking about reconciliation with her ex is a pretty big problem and it would be for any relationship…

I know right?

So she isn’t going back to her ex? She wanted to return to you but you said No – is that how it happened?

Yes. After getting back from the trip she said she thought about it a lot and she don’t think getting back together with her ex is a good idea. She did open up with me and told me maybe that idea of being alone is just scary for her and she’s just not used to it. And we talked about how I handled to live all by myself for years…

After that she was like yeah I can try for sometime without being in a relationship.

So did I just spread my disease into her? 😂

Yep, it’s rather notorious… and it affects every part of your life. So yeah, more inner child work, self-love and all that..

For sure!

Yes, it is irritating. But you can’t really change them, so you need to learn to live with it, but not allow abuse, of course. You can tolerate it once in a while when you come to visit, but don’t allow to stick to you. Try to be like teflon – things just slide from it and don’t stick

Haha that’s a good example. I’ll try that more since they already see me as a laid back guy it lol

 

You see? You too realize that self-esteem is key for not being too bothered with such comments. So you can do it too, work on loving and valuing yourself even more…

Yes that’s right!

I hope all three of you will learn how to be less sensitive and more self-confident. Good that your sister too realizes that your father and grandfather won’t change much. That means you shouldn’t even try. However, you can set boundaries and not allow verbal or emotional abuse. In fact, it’s kind of a two-pronged action: you work on yourself to become less triggered, but you also set boundaries so they can’t just mistreat you without consequences.

You’re right how can I make myself become less triggered? I mean there is boundaries there somewhat. My father doesn’t disrespect me anymore otherwise he knows I’m not going to just listen to him silently.

Okay, so that would be binge eating then. Do you have days when you eat way too much and sort of cannot control yourself?

Hmm yeah but not too often. But just today I did that. Maybe the times when I feel like not doing anything else I’d just eat.

Yeah, I am also not a breakfast person because I eat relatively late in the evening (I know, not a good strategy). So I am not hungry in the morning. But just the fact that you only have two proper meals isn’t in itself disordered eating. It’s maybe that you overeat in the evening, and you feel guilty about it? So then you starve yourself the next day, but then eat too much in the evening again? I was like that for a while, that’s why I am asking.

My mum wouldn’t allow me to eat that much late lol because her first question on the phone is always, did you ate? And yeah usually I do eat a lot in the evenings. During the day it’s okay but at evening I always eat a lot.

I did talked to my doctor friend and she suggested me to have small but 4-5 meals per day for healthy weight gain but I think that’s hard to manage for me

Do you mean you’d like to get praise/affirmation from people that you look good? But you said sometimes in the beginning of your posting on tinybuddha that you do get compliments for your looks, which you sort of shrug off. If I understood well?

Yes you remembered it well, I’m confused about it, because I don’t like when I need external validation, but external validation does kind of helps to believe in things…faster? I don’t know.

Hello Tee,

I am on the lookout for other healing modalities, since the pain is fluctuating, it always comes back. So I need to find something that will give me a more lasting relief.

I see, I hope you find a good one. Take care of yourself 😊
How’s your weekend going?

I am sorry about that. It could be that the loss of your cat leads you to feeling more sensitive and down. And this can contribute to resorting to self-soothing tools, such as overeating. Because a lot of us use food to soothe ourselves, specially if the only nurturing we had in childhood was physical nurturing. If instead of being emotionally nurtured, we were given food whenever we were upset, that’s a perfect recipe for developing eating disorders later.

I mean you’re right but I think it’s also could be like I’m not someone who mostly misses someone? Not even people who are really close to me, But I do miss my cat maybe that’s why? Because it’s kind of a dysregulation? And I accept that she did gave me like a good emotional relief so now I’m like should I find a new gf and cuddle her? Just for that emotional relief you know…But I know it’s not a proper fix.

Also good news is that since my Neighbour (If you remember I play with her kid) rescued a cat and told me that I can have her as long as I want, It does making me feel little better but still making me miss her more.

And yup as you guessed I’m overeating and even (like the most time) to not overthink while eating I started watching anime or movie while having my meals.

Seems you mother was similar to mine: mostly interested in your physical nurturance (and physical well-being), but in terms of emotions, not really supportive.

Well she does asks me if I’m stressed about something or not, because they think one of the reason people are skinny is that they’re stressed. And also, she’s not much aware about modern mental health things (Americans have like hundreds of them and like each trait have a name)

Yes, that too is typical. I’ve just watched a video on binge eating, which explains that by the evening we have already been exposed to various stressors during the day, and our stress tolerance gets depleted. That’s why we have a greater need to soothe ourselves in the evening. Besides, that’s when most of the people come home from work and have the need to relax and unwind… and so eating too much becomes a part of that ritual.

Oh that’s right it does makes sense!

The title of the video is “How to stop binge eating“, by psychotherapist Kati Morton. She also explains what to do to help ourselves. One of her suggestions, in fact her first suggestion, is the same what you doctor friend told you: to eat at least 3-4 times a day, and to have snacks in between to prevent getting extremely hungry and then overeat.

She has other useful tips too, like not restraining yourself and dieting because that’s only going to produce a counter-effect. Also to observe our inner voice, because the inner critic can get very loud when we overeat, or don’t eat as healthy as we would like to. I know from my own experience that I used to berate myself for my ED, and it was strengthening my inner critic, making me feel very bad about myself. And then I’d need something to soothe myself, and ended up eating again.. so it was a vicious circle.

Hmm yeah that’s true back then I used to be very aware of my “Diet” and always thinking like this food is bad and that food is bad so in my early teens (When I just started using internet)

How is this food and blah blah because there would be some articles which would be saying that yeah this food is bad. So because of that I didn’t had like healthy fats and mostly pure vegetarian for a very long time, I’d be eating mostly green vegetables, No milk or even rice because I thought it makes people fat and because years of misconception my body just adapted it like that. So that’s what I’m trying to change.

She seems like a pretty self-observant person, willing to learn and grow. She was honest with you and explored the reasons why she felt like going back to her ex. And she realized that it’s maybe because she is scared of being alone. But now, she’s realized that this is exactly what she needs… So a learning moment for her! I like her

Haha okay so even for this I’m somewhat responsible, Because we did talk deep level things and she did asked me about the way I am and you know that she likes my “Calm” so I did tell her very clearly that it’s all self-awareness and mindfulness. So she got more interested about self-improvement and stuff so

Hmmm, yeah, I mean you gave her a different perspective. And maybe she does need to find herself a little more, to become less needy and less craving for attention, for being the center of her partner’s universe. Because she did say things like that, if I remember well. If that’s the case, she’d need to learn how to be more self-sufficient. Which is what you’re an expert in

Hmm I see, So a question, so as human beings do we always try to fulfil other people that we’re good at? If so, Why is this drive?

It’s good that you don’t tolerate his open criticism, so he isn’t even trying any more. I just wanted to ask you if there was a situation where he started criticizing you but you stopped him. But then I remembered that you mentioned that you did challenge him once on the phone and told him that if he cannot talk to you normally, better not talk at all, right? And then he hang up, but then called you back a few days later?

Yes that’s right

I guess that was his lesson, and he learned that he can’t be openly rude with you. And I can imagine your mother talked to him too and convinced him to speak nicely to you… So I guess he is suppressing his need to judge you, but it’s still there in him, and comes out indirectly, in the form of those veiled remarks and comparisons with other people.

I guess so yeah.. They visited me this weekend with both of my siblings. And so far this time he didn’t even compared this time.

But for that, you’d need to be judgment-proof. Almost like bullet-proof. You’d need to let those arrows slide from you, like from a shield. Which means that you’d need to have your “armor” on whenever you talk to your father, and not let anything in. What is also super important is to diminish the voice of your inner critic, because your inner critic is like a Trojan horse – he opens the door and lets the arrows hit you. I am using the military analogy again, but perhaps it helps?

Yes I understood it well, I’ll try it like that

It seems to me you’re disregarding the positive input from people,

I guess because I never had that in my childhood and only criticism so now it’s just hard to trust what people say

because you want to believe you’re not attractive enough. It’s like the impostor syndrome, when we believe that we cannot possibly be talented, that our success happened by chance and not by our merit. With this too – your inner critic is telling you you’re not good looking (or not muscular enough or whatever), and you rather believe him than the feedback you receive from people.

It means should I believe in positive feedback? If so how you’d determine what to let in or let out

Also just a side note, Are you working from home? I found this from a LinkedIn post, and it says whenever you’re working always play a Instrumental/LoFi music that you like… and I think it’s actually helping me focus more and somewhat in better mood and less anxious as well.

Heyya Tee,

How’s your weekend going?

Yeah sure, that’s what I meant: you were/are feeling down because you are missing your cat. And that’s what makes you more susceptible to overeating (which is a form of misguided self-soothing and self-regulation). We feel comforted when we eat, and you needed comfort, so it’s kind of logical…

That makes sense

Haha… no. If caring about your cat and petting her gave you emotional relief, you should find a new cat, not a new girlfriend

I kinda already have a new cat (Even though it’s not mine) But I mean like someone to share that grief with?

That’s nice of your neighbor, but perhaps you need a little more time before adopting another cat?

I guess so because she makes me miss her even more. Although she’s a feral cat. So not easy to handle. She almost looks like a tiny cute cheetah.

Usually when we watch TV while eating, we end up eating more, because we don’t really pay attention to food and our sense of being satiated. Is this your experience too?

Yes it’s like that

Btw, are you binge eating on healthy food or comfort food, if I may ask?

I’m very aware of what I eat so 99% of the time it’s heathy handmade cooked food.

Right… well, it’s still primarily your physical looks/well-being that she is interested in. Because she notices that you’re skinny, and so she asks if you’re stressed. Maybe she is interested in your emotional well-being too. But to be honest, based on what you told me about your childhood, I don’t think your mother had/has a real interest in your emotional well-being. Because when you were exposed to your father’s rage attacks, she would tell you to tolerate it and not make a fuss about it. So that’s not really emotionally supportive.

Well you do have a point there but we can’t point out that single thing for her emotional support can we? Because she and my grandma lifted me up when I was feeling down time to time.

Oh so you were basically vegan! That’s tough, I tried it once, and it was too much for me. I would be fine being a vegetarian, I don’t really need meat. But I do need dairy products, so veganism is not for me.

Well yeah I started to like dairy products more, Specially yogurt and buttermilk. I still don’t consume cheesy things, but I’ll try more cheesy recipes when I’m in different country.

Cool… But one thing to keep in mind is that a part of your “calmness” is suppressing your anger, right? I mean, you appear calm in front of people, but inside you might be boiling. That’s a very useful skill (control of emotional reactions), and I guess you developed it by mindfulness? But on the log run, the goal is to heal some of that anger, so that you don’t feel so threatened and afraid of judgment in social situations.

Yes I agree with you, But nowadays I feel anxious and scared like lot of What Ifs, What if it this happens and what if this goes wrong which is depleting my energy and self-esteem

Yes, we are attracted to people who possess the qualities we don’t, or which we might have suppressed. So if you are calm (or at least seem calm) and detached, and she is too emotionally reactive, your calmness and poise is what might have attracted her to you. So what we believe we miss, we look for in others. Or for example, the person who is shy and lacks self-esteem might be attracted to someone who is self-confident and extroverted.

Ahh Right I guess that’s what happened between me and her. And yeah I’m somewhat easily attracted to “Extroverted” Types but then I find them too much… But tbh finding introvert girl isn’t easy and even if you do you have to have lot of patience and it’s irritating if there will be no results after the input.

Talking about her, we met yesterday and she asked me that if it’s okay If we still be in physical things. And I’m thinking about saying yes. Because maybe ignoring my physical needs isn’t letting me properly focus on more important day to day things?

That’s good! He might have sensed that you’re fragile and sad, due to your cat’s death, and so he was behaving himself. Or perhaps even your mother told him to behave himself…

I don’t know what happened but I’m glad at least he sensed that much or even listened to my mother.

I understand… you believe everybody is like your father or grandfather. Or maybe like your mother, who wasn’t always honest with you? (You did say you don’t like when people act kind to you, only to get something from you. And I think you mentioned your family in that context too.) So you might have a really bad model there: the people closest to you either being very judgmental, or not being honest (not having the purest intentions) when they praised you?

Yes that’s right that’s how it was in my childhood, For example my father gave me the very expensive bike because I ranked first in my primary school.

Well, we need to have discernment of course. But if you hear the same praise from more people, that should tell you it’s most probably true. If you cannot accept compliment at all, that’s a sign that the inner critic has the upper hand.

I’m just starting to be more open about compliments. Before I wouldn’t even give an attention to it. Now I think it would be better for my self-esteem. Because it has more “Evidence” to backup. Because inner critic is super rational and have more negative perception and I think providing evidence would help.

Also I had a session with my therapist. She said I’m doing good so far.

She even told me that I don’t listen to my inner critic that much like before, Which is impressive she said that lot of the people she worked with it took lot of time but I’m doing well in shorter time span. She also said how much things I’m doing on my own (Also with your help 😉 So thanks)

She asked me lot of questions about my current situation and how I feel. And said that my inner child wants to live in slower pace, but my fierce need to get things done doesn’t letting it happen. That’s why I feel restless. And like that I have many two-faced tendencies like that I need to work on.