Hi Tom,

To be more direct, this may be difficult to improvise in case these challenges that you face is with your spouse- don’t you guys think so?

Yes, it’s trickier if it’s your spouse. You can’t just leave, and besides, maybe you shouldn’t either, but rather see things through a slightly different perspective. Helcat made an excellent remark about different people expressing their love differently. So even if someone is messy and unorganized, they may have other qualities that you appreciate, and other ways of expressing their love.

Even though you say your spouse is the polar opposite of you in some aspects, she still may be a good, honest person, with a kind heart. So instead of focusing on her drawbacks, perhaps you can learn to accept them, and appreciate her for her other qualities.

Of course, everything has its limits, so if she completely disregards your concerns and doesn’t even want to hear you out, that’s another thing. If you feel disrespected in your marriage, that’s a problem.

But if she simply has different priorities, this doesn’t mean she disrespects you. In that case, maybe it would help to talk to her and express appreciation for all of her good qualities, and also ask her to try to be more punctual, because it means a lot to you. So basically, you approach her with a different attitude: that of appreciation and acceptance, instead of judgment and rejection. This might cause a shift in her too, and more willingness to pay attention to things that are important to you.

What do you say?