Dear Arden:

You shared that you’ve been living and working in a different (colder/ no sunlight) country for about three months, that your department may be shut down, that you’ve been a bit depressed but coping, trying to go to the gym every chance you get, and you’re hoping that your boyfriend will join you soon.

“I have been very aggressive lately… My mind has been aggressive, my tolerance has been below zero for the first time in a very long time…  I am just aggressive, sometimes I rant about some stuff (other people, work, world issues, selfish people) and that’s it…. I realized how selfish a friend is and I have shown no tolerance to her but also didn’t have a fight or an argument. I am just ignoring… not asking how she is and not offering my help… No tolerance ‘to some people’ policy feels weird but right. It seems like I might end up with just 1-2 friends at the end, though.”-

– Excellent progress, I say!  In the past you craved affection so much, and you were so anxious about losing any affection that you received, that you were too accommodating to people, too sacrificial, weren’t you? Now, you are not accommodating the friend you mentioned. Your No Tolerance Policy to some people is way preferrable to Tolerating a very unbalanced relationship in terms of give and take.

You asked me how I am: there is not much sunlight here where I live, and it gets totally (!) dark by 5 pm. Keeping physically active, at least 2-3 hours a day, helps me a lot to feel better. I am guessing you feel better every time you do to the gym, and that regular communication with your boyfriend also helps.. a lot, doesn’t it?

Do you think that the department you are working for will surely be shut down, and if so, what is your plan, I wonder.

anita