Dear Tee,

I’m happy and grateful to hear from you after long. It touches me that you’ve been suffering and are living trough fear for your health. I imagine you are feeling vulnerable and out of control while needing resources and confidence to handle the situation. I also Imagine that it taught you a lot and that you are wiser and stronger with this experience and in some ways grateful for it.

How have you been doing?

I went to Norway in August and it made me feel happy and alive. Then I was in some way depressed in November (I kinda choose it). I did not want to force myself to do anything while not knowing how to motivate myself. I learned that I worry a lot and I learned to recognize it. When I do not worry there is capacity to feel the next step and I do not get more afraid and after that freeze.
I then did Snowboard Teacher Training in December and it triggered me a lot. I can’t hide myself any longer and I showed myself which was scary and felt natural. I belief we need to live trough the emotions/trauma and set them free by handling the situation in a way which meets our needs. I’m working occasionally these days and am making plans for summer.

About the Heart:
I noticed that when I live trough something like abandonment, guilt or shame and I feel my needs I can always keep the heart open. When it’s the most painful like yesterday I tried to meditate then crawl myself under a blanket in fetus pose 🙂 My body tells me what to do where to go and it’s something I trust in deeper every week. In some way it feels selfish which I think is a wrong view on it. It’s rather giving all I got for harmony and peace instead of being reactive and by that creating more pain than necessary.

Thanks for helping me express this Tee <3