Dear Paradoxy,

And she didn’t gaslight me, she just said that she thought the fact that the guy was her ex felt unimportant to her

She already agreed that she would not wear the less revealing outfits, and barely did it too but she tends to have the habit of forgetting things too easily

She has a habit of considering things to be not as important as they actually are, which means she thought it was okay to have a casual hug with men; she thought all she had to do was not partake in one of those more intimate hugs

So if someone slaps you in the face, but then says “I thought it wasn’t important not to slap you in the face”, and then apologizes, and then keeps slapping you in the face, and apologizing… what would you think of this person?

She has been slapping you in the face all this time, pretending she is oblivious, she “wasn’t thinking”, she “forgot”, she “didn’t think it was important”…. when in reality, she has been lying to you, manipulating you and making a fool of you.

You believed that she is oblivious and too “stupid” to understand those things. And your belief (which you adopted from your parents) that women tend to “do stupid things” actually came as a boomerang: because you believed she too is innocent and stupid, rather than manipulative and calculating.

Basically, the false belief that you have about women blinded you to the fact that this girl is manipulating you. That she isn’t some silly oblivious woman, whom you need to teach the right manners, but in fact a very good actress and a manipulator.

she apologized and told me she was just ranting her feelings in anger and she didn’t mean it,

She always apologizes, but then keeps doing it. That’s why I told you: those are fake apologies. She knows if she apologizes, you will be naive enough to forgive her, and it will all stay the same: she behaves the way she likes, and she gets to keep you as her financial backup.

Because that’s what she’s been doing all this time: taking your money and even convincing you to invest in some financial schemes, in which you lost a lot of money (we lost a lot of money in trading too). And whatever little you earned, went to cover her health expenses (she got severally sick or she had to get her tooth removed or something).

Now, after knowing the situation a bit better, I am almost sure that this girl doesn’t want to lose you because you are giving her money. You have been financially supporting her for most of the time that you were together. And she doesn’t have anyone else to support her, because it seems her father is not giving her money, and her aunt… well we know under what conditions she can get money from her aunt. So she depends on you financially. And that’s why she is so keen on keeping you around.

She still says that what she did in January is not cheating because we had broken up in that one week and that it is none of my business because we were not dating

You were breaking up and reconciling all the time. It was your pattern – you always reconciled after a few days or a week at most, haven’t you? You even broke up and reconciled around Christmas 2022, when you were visiting your parents, and she was visiting her aunt who lives in the same area. The reason for the breakup was that you asked her the gold-digger question, but a few days later you already reconciled:

But a few days later we realized we could not live without each other and we got back together.

So let’s put this into perspective: she knows you have a turbulent relationship, with constant breakups and reconciliations. But after one such breakups, which is similar to the others, and which is most likely only temporary, she suddenly starts feeling so “depressed” and “heart broken”, that she falls for her aunt’s evil plan and goes and prostitutes herself. For 3 days out of 7 that you were broken up. And then you reconcile and you travel back together to college (if I understood the chronology of the events well?). As if nothing happened.

Go figure. I am actually having a hard time comprehending this. But what is for sure is that she wasn’t too affected by her stint with prostitution, since she later acted as if nothing happened.

Oh and by the way, if you were only broken up for a week, but she kept messaging with the guy for a while afterwards, and even developing feelings for him – then this would be cheating on her part, wouldn’t it? If we want to be super “technical”.

She still says that what she did in January is not cheating because we had broken up in that one week and that it is none of my business because we were not dating

So if you break up every second week, and she goes to sleep with another man each time you break up, it would be none of your business either? And she would be called loyal and faithful?