Hi Beni,

Maybe my Das is involved too.

So far you haven’t talked about your father too much. How was he involved? Was he the one who sent you to your room when you were misbehaving?

Based on your latest post (and all the previous ones 🙂 ), I am starting  to form an idea of the kind of dynamic you had with your mother. But I would like to hear also about your interaction with your father, if you would like to share.

You haven’t been talking much about your father. If I may ask. What is your relationship to men these days? Is there a sex which company you value more.

My father was a people pleaser and basically, my mother’s enabler. He himself hasn’t abused me, but he didn’t do much to protect me from her criticism and harsh treatment. And he always tried to appease her, so to maintain the “peace” in the family.

I never had prejudice against men, though I didn’t like men who resembled (physically) to my father. Luckily, I found a good husband and we have been happily married for many years now, although we did have our ups and downs. But our relationship grew and got stronger over time. So I am pretty happy with that aspect of my life.

When I talk about envisioning the future it’s more conscious.

Yes, I believe the same.

There are many teachers saying that you imagine something to make it happen. I think there is a right and a wrong way to do it. Like when I observe myself:

I Imagine possibilities and opportunities, goals and it feels good. Also I kinda experience it in my head, feel the good feelings as if I archived it and it’s as if I did it and don’t need to do it anymore.

Interesting. So when imagining it, you feel good about it in the moment, but then you feel that you sort of “ticked the box” and you actually let go of that dream? You don’t engage it any more?

Sometimes there is the experience of no perspective which I usually try to overcome.

So sometimes you try to imagine your future, but you feel without perspective? Does it mean that nothing comes up that would excite you as your possible future?

Lately I thought and felt that maybe that’s the place which is peaceful and grounded in the moment. It feels like it’s a burden to keep ties with the future and all it’s ways and keeps me from meeting higher needs.

It seems that sometimes there is a certain burden and heaviness when you try to envision your future. It feels easier not to envision anything, but to only focus on the present moment, because staying in the now feels peaceful and grounded. Is that what you’re saying?

keeps me from meeting higher needs.

What do you consider to be your higher needs?