Hi Caroline

I’m sorry to hear that you had your lowest point a couple of years ago and you are feeling similarly today. I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling angry and hitting yourself. Would you like to talk about what is making you feel this way? No one should be alone when feeling this way. I don’t believe that you deserve to be hit either.

Do you have any things that relax you or distract you? I quite enjoy tv shows because they have a story I can follow and I don’t have to engage my mind. When I need to calm down something with chill vibes and is perhaps funny, something isn’t stressful is a good idea to watch. Music can be helpful too, calming music and a nice candle. Whatever helps to bring you a small measure of comfort. Nothing is too silly. I often grab a teddy. 😊

I was once told that to break habits of self-harm self-love should be used. The idea is to get a lovely strong scented lotion and when you feel the urge to hit yourself use the lotion instead. It seems silly but it does feel strangely empowering to do the opposite of whatever the dark corners of the mind desire.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Hi Caroline

I’m sorry to hear that people tell you no all the time and someone told you that you were wrong and this triggered your feelings.

You don’t sound stupid or wrong to me. You sound like you are in pain.

That is okay if you don’t think tv shows would work right now. You know what is best for you! Good luck with finding a soothing scent.

Do you have any favourite tv shows or movies? Or genres? I’m watching the new season of The Boys at the moment. It is quite fun.

Please feel free to share whatever you like.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

* I recently learned to send emojis using my phone (I don’t know how to make it happen using the computer). I sent the emojis to Helcat, but after sending this message using the computer, I will try to cheer you up, Caroline, by sending you emojis in a following message.

Dear Caroline

I know all too well how it feels to suffer like you do, similar to you: unresolved anger, tormenting.

“not sure how to express it“- if you are still awake, in dim lights, while you sit comfortably in a chair, or in bed, type away your anger: hit the keyboard keys with a bit more force than usual, an angry force, and just let the words jump from out of your head=> the keyboard=> the computer screen.

“I was angry because someone told me I was wrong.  And I was obsessing over people telling me ‘No’ all the time and pointing I was wrong.  I feel like I should just shut up forever because everything I say is stupid and wrong“- everybody says unwise, wrong things sometimes, including the people who pointed to you as unwise or wrong. If ever person who says unwise, wrong things would forever shut up… nobody will be talking.

If you want to share more about what happened recently, and perhaps about things we talked about previously that are connected to your recent experience, please do.

anita

Hi Caroline

Yes, I enjoyed Gen V too. 😊 I have also watched How I met your mother. It is good to have a guilty pleasure. My guilty pleasure is romantic comedies. I used to hate them growing up, now I secretly enjoy them.

I hope that you got some sleep eventually.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Dear Caroline:

I did not re-read any of our previous communication before I replied to you yesterday. I just did a bit of reading and came across a promise I made to you on March 5 this year: “I promise you that if and when you are back, when I respond to you, I will pay close attention to submit posts that are always gentle and kind.”

Your last words before your return yesterday (July 1) was on March 10: “Recently I am not as scared to express that I don’t like something. I wish I could do it more often, it is very freeing. take care“.

Having re-read some of our communication before: I wonder if you visited Italy with your girlfriend, how it was, and about your job that you were struggling with. You don’t have to share of course. Also, I wonder about Emotion Regulation which we discussed, and which is just what you (and all of us) need. I wonder if you followed up on it.

anita

Dear Caroline:

It’s been 4 months and 4 days since you posted last and I realize today that I didn’t respond to you adequately in this thread. I would like to respond today.

* A comment before I do, for anyone who may be reading this: I am not a professional of any kind, so this is not professional input. I am relying on online information that is available to anyone with an internet connection. Never am I diagnosing anyone, nor am I using mental health terms in a way, or for a purpose that a mental health professional would. I participate in the forums in the context of self-help only: to help me understand myself/ other people better, and hopefully, my quest for better understanding will help you too.

Caroline, July 1, 2014, thread, self harm: “I feel very angry, I punch myself. I punch my legs till it hurts… I was angry because someone told me I was wrong.  And I was obsessing over people telling me ‘no’ all the time and pointing I was wrong“.

We talked earlier about the Freeze Response. As a result of Freezing, when anger is needed (so to act toward a solution to a real-life problem), anger is temporarily frozen (paralyzed). It awakens later when the opportunity to act toward a solution to the real-life problem has passed: “In present time when I don’t want to do something I go quiet. And then I get angry later” (Feb 4, 2024).

Repeatedly, or chronically frozen anger has significant effects on a person’s mental health, physical health, cognitive function and relationships, resulting, over time, in feelings of frustration, resentment and bitterness. It contributes to anxiety, depression, and a general dissatisfaction with life. It increases the risk of high blood pressure, heart disease and other stress-related conditions, and can lead to an almost constant state of tension. It can manifest in passive-aggressive behaviors that strain and damage relationships. It fuels obsessive thinking and rumination, and a pessimistic, suspicious outlook on life and people.

When anger is chronically frozen it can also lead to self-harm as a way to cope with the intense emotions and frustration involved: it’s a way to temporarily release or distract from emotional pain/ pent-up emotions.

It is very important therefore, to address anger constructively to prevent it from causing harm.

On Sept 29, 2022, you shared: “I do not have immediate reaction to abuse and maltreatment. I know why is that and probably most victims of abuse have… I do not feel comfortable, this is not right, someone is hurting me. I have to say I have those feelings but I do not trust them I guess, not enough to act“. It is then that I shared with you my experience with the Freeze Response to perceived danger. A few days later, on Oct 1, 2022, you shared: “Today at the bakery some lady stepped up before me in a queue, although I was there first. I was standing in silence (like I would always do)… When something like this happens…  I start to have panic attack and start being angry but I just stand there, do nothing and walk away.. Not sure if this is the typical freeze response“- yes, it fits the Freeze Response, and it fits another term, Emotional Flooding. It occurs when a person is overwhelmed by intense emotions, such as anger and panic, making it difficult to think clearly and take action. Paralyzed by intense emotions, a person is stuck in inaction when an action is needed.

There is scientific evidence that Emotional trauma= repeated Emotional Flooding experiences in childhood cause changes in the brain’s structure and function, and (as it happened in my case), these contributed to the development of tics/ Tourette Disorder, with the almost constant tension involved in the tics.

You shared back in late 2022: “I think I have freeze reaction for the most of the time during the day, even without the possible threat“.. Sometimes things happen, people say things and I do not react, do not respond. Only after couple of hours later I recall what had happened and form my opinion on that“.

To heal from the effects of repeated freeze reaction and emotional flooding, the following are the recommendations available online: (1) psychoeducation, (2) Grounding techniques: meditation, mindfulness, (3) psychotherapy, particularly with a therapist trained in trauma-informed approaches, and (4) Body awareness: engaging in activities that promote body awareness and reconnection, such as yoga or tai-chi.

I hope that you are well, Caroline.

anita