Dear Caroline, unforgettable Caroline:

July 1, 2024 is when you posted last. 1 year, 7 months and 22 days ago. I wish 🤞 to read from you again.

🌙 Anita

Dear Caroline:

I’m really glad to hear from you, and I’m so sorry you’re carrying so much right now. Losing your cat, finding out your partner mocked you, feeling disrespected by her family, being told you’re “the problem” at work, and dealing with health issues on top of all that… anyone would feel shaken by so many hurts at once.

It sounds exhausting and painful, and none of this is small.

You mentioned not being able to move your hands at night — did any doctor give you a sense of what might be causing that? It’s important that you’re looked after medically, especially when symptoms affect your ability to move.

And if you were to take a leave from work, even briefly, how do you imagine that might feel for you?

I’m here, and I’m really glad you reached out.

🌿🤍 Anita

You are very welcome, Caroline. Thank you for the note. I hope things get better for you. Anytime you’d like to share or vent, please do!

🌿🤍 Anita

Hey! Fellow self harmer here! I haven’t self harmed in years, but I used to hit myself too. I also self harm in other ways in forms of self sabatoge. The journey to healing is slow sometimes unfortunately. I don’t know if you have spotify, but what I do now when I get into the headspace where I self harmed is to put some angry music on and do something to release the energy. Honestly the angrier the better. Find some music that speaks into what you’re going through. Citizen Soldier is a good band that’s all about mental health. When my anger is bubbling over, I put metal on, go outside and physically release energy through exercise, or create disturbing art by scribbling my emotions on a page. After I feel the cathartic release, I wind down and chill. I’ll put on some positive music or stuff I like and relax into a more positive energy. In my experience it took time for me to get through what I was going through. Maybe find your own healthy way of cathartic release. The important part is to recognize when the catharsis is done and it’s time to relax and set boundaries for your time of peace. Self harm is definitely addicting because of the endorphins and everything else involved with it. Maybe channel that emotion into something less harmful. It took me time to get through it and I don’t judge anybody for doing what they need to in order to survive the complexity of our minds. Next time you want to self harm, try putting on some cathartic music and let your mind go there. There’s better days ahead, I promise.