Dear Franco:

“a friend of mine… told me to not catastrophize the event because It happens frequently when a man is interested in a woman to act a little awkward, happens to everybody“- when he said this to you, did you feel better/ calmer, as a result?

If you felt calmer, it means that hearing his words regulated your emotions of anxiety, embarrassment, etc.

What your friend did was take the same event that had upset you so much, and offered a different way of looking at it. Your way of looking at the event was something like this: I am one of the most unacceptably awkward man in the world,  and that’s why I was laughed at, and now, the girl knows how unacceptable I am.

These thoughts understandably, cause and fuel painful feelings of shame, despair, etc.

Your friend introduced different thoughts, paraphrased: You are not the only man in the world that feels awkward when approaching a woman, everyone feels awkward.

Same event; different interpretations.

When you notice next time that you feel anxious about a situation, ask yourself: is there a different (and possibly true) way of looking at this situation? Look at it from a different angle, see the bigger picture. This is part o Emotion Regulation.

“sometimes talking with a friend is helpful“- talking to a helpful friend is one way to regulate your emotions.

So is journaling, listening to calming music, taking a brisk walk outdoors, drinking hot tea, following guided meditations, doing yoga, Tai-Chi, and more.

“he suggested… message her on Instagram, but I don’t know what to write to start the conversation, life is short I want to know her“- you can message her that you want to get to know her. Did your friend suggest a message?

anita