Home→Forums→Relationships→Fear knocked at the door. Love answered, and no one was there.
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anita.
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May 26, 2025 at 8:06 am #446293
anitaParticipantI woke up far too early this rainy Monday morning and had been feeling low—until I came across this line in the title of this thread. I realized I had spent the morning wrapped in worry, feeling scared for someone I care about deeply. But when I read these words, I smiled, because they shifted my focus from fear to love. That simple change made all the difference. I want to keep choosing love over fear, again and again.
If you are reading this, I would love to read your thoughts.
anita
May 26, 2025 at 6:43 pm #446304anitaParticipantAbout LOVE-
What is love? Well, there’s a song with this title, it says:
“What is love? Oh, baby, don’t hurt me Don’t hurt me, no more Oh, baby, don’t hurt me Don’t hurt me, no more…
Woah-woah-woah-woah Oh-woah-woah, uh-huh Woah-woah-woah-woah Oh-woah-woah, uh-huh”-This kind of love sounds painful and unintelligent.
So, the answer is not in that song.
Or maybe it is.
No it isn’t.
So, what is love?
I say it’s a feeling of goodwill: a friendly, helpful, cooperative attitude toward others; kindness, positive intentions. It’s not about being Right and the other being Wrong (except when it comes to harmful actions). It’s about live-and-let-live- with acceptance, kindness and tolerance of differences.
It’s about not holding grudges against others just because they have a different understanding of things.
For me, to love someone successfully means to make them FEEL accepted unconditionally, no pressure to be or become anything other than what he- or she- already is.
I said “to love successfully” right above because, well, like the song I started this post with.. love can hurt. Well, if it hurts, it was unsuccessful.
Life hurts, Love doesn’t hurt.
anita
May 27, 2025 at 1:43 pm #446336
AlessaParticipantHi Anita
It is not easy worrying about loved ones. I hope that everything will be okay! ❤️
My son has been ill and he was not himself. Not wanting to eat, or walk, or play with his toys and sleeping for most of the day. I was worried about him. Fortunately, he is starting to feel better already and has some pep back in his step.
It is a blessing to have people to worry about. Choosing to focus on the love is a beautiful realisation. ❤️
I have a different perspective on love. I think it’s complicated. People are fallible and make mistakes. The need for unconditional love is a human need. Yet, it seems to be getting rarer in this world. That is not to say that people should accept abuse. When lives are not compatible it is necessary to part ways, so everyone can move on and be happy.
May 27, 2025 at 8:18 pm #446343anitaParticipantDear Alessa:
Thank you! I am glad your son is getting better!
“People are fallible and make mistakes. The need for unconditional love is a human need.”- very true, Alessa. So very true.
“When lives are not compatible it is necessary to part ways, so everyone can move on and be happy.”- I wonder if this means what I think it means, based on things you shared and later deleted. If it means what I think it means, I am sorry, Alessa. This must be very difficult for you. I wish it wasn’t what (I think) it is.
It makes me sad (again, I am assuming I know the context) because of all the positive things you shared in the past about the relationship, all your loving and caring emotions and thoughtfulness.
You are strong to be going through this and yet being as caring and empathetic as you are here, in the foorums. You are the bee’s knees, Alessa! ❤️
anita
May 28, 2025 at 10:08 am #446371
PeterParticipantHi Anita
So, what is love? I like how you focus kindness, goodwill, and unconditional acceptance.
I would challenge love as a feeling or attitude. Emotions, feathers caught up in the wind, Feelings become a state of mind defined by thought and mind.Life hurts, Love doesn’t hurt? I used to wonder about this and today would argue that Life is Love. Life hurts when be measure “love” and entangle it with attachment, fear, and dependency. Perhaps a ‘cosmic’ view… I’ve argued before that I convinced myself that Love has no opposite. Its is, and we are that. A “cosmic” view I trust that isn’t disconnected from the personal, but its source?
“Where there is love, there is no pain, no conflict. Pain arises when love is entangled with the self.” – Krishnamurti
I don’t take that to mean we should avoid engaging the self in life, life is movement were the self plays a important role. But I do think life calls us to awaken to the reality that engaging the self opens the door to pain, and not a flaw. Pain not the failure of love, but rather an attribute of love and an open heart.As you have hinted its possible, if not likely, I hide behind behind the comic view to avoid pain of vulnerability… Yet since engaging with the question ‘What’s love got to do with it’ (referred to in other posts) I haven’t escape pain and in some ways feel it more deeply if… different.
May 28, 2025 at 11:09 am #446374anitaParticipantDear Peter:
“Life hurts when we measure ‘love’ and entangle it with attachment, fear, and dependency. Perhaps a cosmic view”- I see why you stay away from getting entangled in attachment and why the cosmic view is attractive. I think that it will do me some good to get more into the cosmic view of love. It’s comforting.
“’Where there is love, there is no pain, no conflict. Pain arises when love is entangled with the self.’ – Krishnamurti”- Untangled Peter is a Free Peter, or freer..?
“As you have hinted it’s possible, if not likely, I hide behind the cosmic view to avoid pain of vulnerability”- hiding is not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes, it’s a good thing. It’s a good thing to hide from a threat, a threat like getting entangled and losing control, or agency.
“Yet since engaging with the question ‘What’s love got to do with it’ (referred to in other posts) I haven’t escape pain and in some ways feel it more deeply if… different.”- .. entangled in cosmic love?
I may be talking nonsense, right above, Cosmic No- Sense (CNS). I wrote whatever came to mind, untangling myself from the need to make sense 😊
anita
May 28, 2025 at 2:29 pm #446379AlessaParticipantHi Everyone
Thank you for your kind thoughts! ❤️ Sorry Anita, I’m not discussing my personal life on the forum.
I feel like fearing rejection is a craving for love. I feel like expressing painful feelings is a craving for love. To me, love is more than just pleasant feelings, there are painful sides to it too.
I feel like the difference is a perception of being open or closed to another person. Being closed is usually an effort to protect ourselves. It is interesting learning to be more open. Seeing that it is all just love.
For me, being open or closed to other people is a choice, no longer simply an instinct. That is not to say that all feelings are aligned. I have complex feelings and can feel multiple things simultaneously. I think it’s important to hold space for all of the feelings, this way they can move on in their own time.
May 28, 2025 at 2:55 pm #446380anitaParticipantI understand, Alessa. I didn’t at all expect you to share. Just wanted to let you know that I care and wish you well ✨️
You have interesting thoughts about love and emotional complexity. I agree- it is important to hold space for all of our feelings. ❤️
Anita
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