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Passed Yesterday-

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  • May 27, 2025 at 9:45 pm #446345
    anita
    Participant

    Strange: A whole way of my Being- Non-Being, is in the past.

    I am as integrated as I can be. The repressed and suppressed are as expressed as can be.

    I feel no need to talk about my mother. She seems distant now.

    Distance between me and the pain of yesterday.

    I am not complaining about this Loss of Yesterday.

    Still, strange how that pain of the past held a meaning, an identity. There is a sadness in letting it go.

    So, here I am. If it wasn’t for the extent of progress I have made, I would go back right now, back to the old.

    I am far enough on the other side to not go back.

    There is no happiness/ happily-ever-after on the other side. Neither did I expect it to be. There is no problems/ challenges-free anita either.

    Yet, this other side is so much better, a moving on to something different. A “New Life”, the user name I chose here, on tiny buddha 10 years ago, hoping back then for.. A New Life.

    anita

    May 28, 2025 at 8:30 pm #446393
    anita
    Participant

    New Life:

    Q: Where does it take place?

    A: In the distance between my two ears.

    Q: What does it mean?

    A: It means, first and foremost, that I am not a bad person.

    Surprise! I didn’t know.

    I thought I had to correct my 5-year-old bad person

    And Earn the Good Label.

    Now, I am the one to give little-girl me the label she deserved all along, that of being a good, loving little girl.

    And then, I take this little, good girl into me. I integrate her into my once disintegrated, fragmented self.

    I want to use this opportunity to thank Alessa for her unending capacity to express empathy for others. Sincerely, I have never come across anyone with this ability, skill and talent.

    And I want to thank Peter for having been persistently, reliably, so honest and peaceful: never confrontational, never threatening, no-exceptions. Thank you, Peter.

    And of course, I want to thank Lori Deschene, the owner of this website and these forums for giving me this space for over ten years. Thank you, Lori!

    And I want to thank all the people who have come and gone, throwing appreciation and kindness my way- Thank You, each and every one of you.

    … Sounds like I am leaving, going somewhere else?

    No, not my intent.

    There is no online format that works for me better than this precious tiny buddha, May 2015- May 2025 and still going and going.

    anita

    May 29, 2025 at 8:03 am #446402
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    Healing: the strange, quiet grief of leaving behind a painful but familiar identity, and the courage it takes to step into a new, uncertain, but healthier way of being.

    “The bridge behind me, burned not in anger, but in grace…. There is no fairy tale here, no gleaming ever-after. Just this:
    a quieter self, a steadier breath, a life that is new, not because it is perfect, but because it is mine.    ” – anonymous

    May 29, 2025 at 12:57 pm #446407
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Peter:

    Yes, healing isn’t about finding a perfect life, a fairy tale—it’s about choosing a life that’s truly my own. That quiet grief is real, but so is the strength it takes to step forward. Thank you for sharing this—it speaks to the heart of change 🦋.

    anita

    May 29, 2025 at 1:54 pm #446408
    anita
    Participant

    “The bridge behind me, burned not in anger, but in grace…. There is no fairy tale here, no gleaming ever-after. Just this:
    a quieter self, a steadier breath, a life that is new, not because it is perfect, but because it is mine.”-

    I see the image of my mother’s face at about 40 years old, more than 40 years younger than she is now. I feel no anger. I feel a quiet, contained sadness. A dead wish for things to have been different.

    A true goodbye to that wish, the hope. Placing that hope in the ground, to rot and nourish new life.

    Knowing the fairy tale will always be a tale.

    I am owning my truth, the truth.. oh, how very refreshing, really living.

    The constant self-doubt.. that was torture.

    The Truth: LOVE, that 4-letters L word.

    anita

    May 29, 2025 at 10:12 pm #446419
    anita
    Participant

    LOVE, that 4-letters L word-

    So much suspicion around this, that word.

    So much distrust.

    Not surprising, being the experience of it all.

    It takes so much to earn the trust of the disillusioned.

    A wrong word I say, wrong time saying it, and…I lost you

    Yet, there is no other way toward Love but TRUST-

    Nothing without Trust.

    anita

    May 30, 2025 at 11:14 pm #446446
    anita
    Participant

    In real-life, tonight, I got very, very angry at a woman I believe is self-centered and selfish, and I told her that I will Never talk to her again. It was a promise I made. My heart was beating fast, I was ANGRY.

    Then I felt GUILTY for feeling angry, as if there is guilt in anger itself, no matter how valid it may be.

    If I am angry= I am guilty= I am bad.

    But this is NOT true. Me being angry doesn’t mean I am wrong, or bad.

    It’s as if to be a good person one must never be angry..?

    No, I am reclaiming anger as a valid emotion.

    Feeling angry doesn’t make me wrong, or bad.

    anita

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